As I sit here and think and think and think some more ...... I try and come up with what God would want me to write about to inspire/encourage others. At this point....I hit a blank.
I could write about my Aunt Sandra and how her time is drawing O so near. How that she is ending a journey here on this earth, but starting a brand new journey in Heaven. But as happy as we are for her in this new life to come, there are those of us left here on earth to mourn her parting.
I could write about how that it is my second daughter's birthday this week. While most would be happy and celebrating their child's special day, we in turn are not even sure we will see or hear from her at all. She is a child who was long ago a part of our lives (which I truly miss) and now we have no contact with her. It would be hard to even imagine the sadness a mother feels in her heart over this if you have never traveled this road.
I could write about the MANY wrong directions my oldest daughter has/is travel(ed)(ing). How that our hearts have been literally broken multiple times and we have cried out to God in such despair over her. How that I continually pray for God's changes and will to be done in her. How that I pray for the right people to come/be in her life and the wrong ones to be removed.
I could write about how that my journey as a mother is winding down in great ways as my youngest son is stepping out into life as he makes his journey forward. BUT, I will NEVER give up trying to protect my children from this totally LOST world. I will NEVER stop fighting for them....no matter what!!!
But.....how encouraging are any of those things to another person reading this Blog?
The encouragement comes in. . . . in ALL of these things. . . . God gives HIS peace. I'm not talking about a special feeling or even a happiness, what I am talking about is a quiet and steadfast trust. 1.) An assurance that even though it's going to really HURT when my Aunt Sandra passes from this life to the next - - God will carry us each through it and minister in the way that each needs Him. 2.) An assurance that even though many other people are celebrating their children's presence in their life, I too one day (and I don't know when) will have my daughter back again. I pray that she will be able to receive all the love that her family has for her and know how to love in return.3.) An assurance that YES that God IS molding this oldest daughter's life, her mind, her will, her desire to match His....it's just going to have to take awhile to be seen and heard and revealed! God has a timetable that is hard to understand. My timetable says NOW is the time - God's timetable says "Wait on me. Trust in me." We've been waiting and we have been trusting a loooong time and yet.....I know we will continue. By His grace. 4.) And last but not least, an assurance that even though my small duties I've done for my children, as their mother, in their growing years, are nearing the end I still can have a positive influence in their lifes. I can still encourage. I can still pray for them. I can still be here for them....should they choose to come.
And yes....even though I do have that assurance that God is working (sight seen or unseen) and He is in control, I do still cry, I do still wonder, I do still envy others, I do still question......for I am human. But I pray that human part of me is taken over by the spiritual part, being God Himself and He victoriously carries me on....quietly waiting.....quietly trusting. God in me is what has it all together.....me without God would be a total mess.
So friend, as I've probably often said, know that WHATEVER you are facing.....in yourself, in your children, in your spouse, in your family, in your friends.....God can give you that very same assurance. Assurance to know that even if I don't see it, even if I don't hear it, even if I don't understand it, even if I don't feel it...... God is there - God is working - God is carrying - God is transforming ..... all in HIS timing. God knows your situation. God loves YOU. God is in control.....and you are not.
Be encouraged. :)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
"Mother's Day. . . To Celebrate or Not To Celebrate?!"
Today. . . is Mother's Day.
This day has different meanings for any given person. There are those that are blessed, those that have hearts that are swelling with pride, those that are honored, loved and cherished, and those that are respected for the title they have. But. . . just as well there are those that are hurting, those who are disappointed, those who are longing with all that they have for God to turn the hearts of the children and see the error of their ways, those who are not respected, those who are not honored . . . on this day.
Our pastor shared the two sides of what this day means with our congregation. He shared how that the church is there to triumph with those that triumph, but also to weep with those that weep. That's fine in and of itself, but how much MORE is the very knowledge and fact that God HIMSELF knows the very disappointment a precious mother feels and experiences with her own children?! How much more REAL to fully realize that God felt the sting of betrayal - those he loved and walked closest with turning their backs on him. God felt the ridicule of those that sneered at him and mocked him of all that he had tried to convey and to stand for. God feels the longing of wanting his own children to choose what is right and to live for him, only to see them turn their hearts and minds to the ways of this world. I am reminded also in the story of Lazarus, his death, and the sorrow that was shared. The shortest verse in the entire Bible - "Jesus wept." why did Jesus weep when he fully knew that he would raise Lazarus from the dead and all would be restored?? Is it really sad when you know full well that you have the power to "fix" everything to make it right and whole again? Jesus felt the very human emotion in its totality. I believe he wept because he felt the very sorrow of Mary and Martha, and he shared that with them. God did NOT create beings that he canNOT relate to. He suffered. He cried. He was disappointed. He was betrayed. He had anxious anticipation that was not pleasant. He was ridiculed. He was angry. He was . . . HURT.
Yet he loved. He forgave. He continued. He restored. He carried all the attributes of a loving Mother's heart inside his heart. He never gave up.
I know.....I have just talked about this in my last Blog. And I've probably talked about it before in previous blogs. But it's my heart I choose to share, and only God's very encouragement that I can give. Just this past week I experienced some very REAL and DEEP pain regarding my own children and have chosen some very hard but needed decisions regarding this. But. . . as I am shown today through God's ministering to me. . . I am NOT alone in that pain. God sees my tears, feels the frustration, knows the disappointment that I feel, feels the very heart hurting so badly inside me. And yet. . . he does NOT leave me there. I praise him with my whole heart for that for he alone carries me to better places. He restores. He comforts. He gives hope. He alone makes my world. . . .right again. I canNOT for the life of me imagine raising a family without him. Impossible.
As I was praying out my prayer window this afternoon, I saw an unusual sight - - what appeared to be 3 red balloons floating O so high into the skies. Two were always ahead of the last one. I watched until they were completely out of sight. You don't often see three seperate balloons being lost into the air. I sat and thought about all the possibilities that could mean or symbolize. There may have been a mother, somewhere out there, who was releasing 3 balloons in honor of a child or children she had lost. Possibly a person remembering their own dear Mother who had gone on before them. Many possibilities at hand. But what it held for me was this - - I have released my children into God's very hands and he receives them. Along with that knowledge, I also want to release any and all hurts, frustrations, and disappointments too! So, it is in that being said that I choose to believe that God shows me. . . . I can let go with HIS letting go in me. The first two balloons stayed in the lead. . . not tied together. . . but always leading - they are my girls. The third balloon stayed behind but following in succession - my Levi.
Lord, I give you my 3 red balloons. May YOUR will, YOUR purpose, and YOUR desire be met in them. Thank you for them.
Friend, whatever this day holds for you - happiness or sadness, know that God himself knows. He celebrates and he cries with you. But know too that his perfect plan is being done. . . . in you and in your children. Keep believing.
This day has different meanings for any given person. There are those that are blessed, those that have hearts that are swelling with pride, those that are honored, loved and cherished, and those that are respected for the title they have. But. . . just as well there are those that are hurting, those who are disappointed, those who are longing with all that they have for God to turn the hearts of the children and see the error of their ways, those who are not respected, those who are not honored . . . on this day.
Our pastor shared the two sides of what this day means with our congregation. He shared how that the church is there to triumph with those that triumph, but also to weep with those that weep. That's fine in and of itself, but how much MORE is the very knowledge and fact that God HIMSELF knows the very disappointment a precious mother feels and experiences with her own children?! How much more REAL to fully realize that God felt the sting of betrayal - those he loved and walked closest with turning their backs on him. God felt the ridicule of those that sneered at him and mocked him of all that he had tried to convey and to stand for. God feels the longing of wanting his own children to choose what is right and to live for him, only to see them turn their hearts and minds to the ways of this world. I am reminded also in the story of Lazarus, his death, and the sorrow that was shared. The shortest verse in the entire Bible - "Jesus wept." why did Jesus weep when he fully knew that he would raise Lazarus from the dead and all would be restored?? Is it really sad when you know full well that you have the power to "fix" everything to make it right and whole again? Jesus felt the very human emotion in its totality. I believe he wept because he felt the very sorrow of Mary and Martha, and he shared that with them. God did NOT create beings that he canNOT relate to. He suffered. He cried. He was disappointed. He was betrayed. He had anxious anticipation that was not pleasant. He was ridiculed. He was angry. He was . . . HURT.
Yet he loved. He forgave. He continued. He restored. He carried all the attributes of a loving Mother's heart inside his heart. He never gave up.
I know.....I have just talked about this in my last Blog. And I've probably talked about it before in previous blogs. But it's my heart I choose to share, and only God's very encouragement that I can give. Just this past week I experienced some very REAL and DEEP pain regarding my own children and have chosen some very hard but needed decisions regarding this. But. . . as I am shown today through God's ministering to me. . . I am NOT alone in that pain. God sees my tears, feels the frustration, knows the disappointment that I feel, feels the very heart hurting so badly inside me. And yet. . . he does NOT leave me there. I praise him with my whole heart for that for he alone carries me to better places. He restores. He comforts. He gives hope. He alone makes my world. . . .right again. I canNOT for the life of me imagine raising a family without him. Impossible.
As I was praying out my prayer window this afternoon, I saw an unusual sight - - what appeared to be 3 red balloons floating O so high into the skies. Two were always ahead of the last one. I watched until they were completely out of sight. You don't often see three seperate balloons being lost into the air. I sat and thought about all the possibilities that could mean or symbolize. There may have been a mother, somewhere out there, who was releasing 3 balloons in honor of a child or children she had lost. Possibly a person remembering their own dear Mother who had gone on before them. Many possibilities at hand. But what it held for me was this - - I have released my children into God's very hands and he receives them. Along with that knowledge, I also want to release any and all hurts, frustrations, and disappointments too! So, it is in that being said that I choose to believe that God shows me. . . . I can let go with HIS letting go in me. The first two balloons stayed in the lead. . . not tied together. . . but always leading - they are my girls. The third balloon stayed behind but following in succession - my Levi.
Lord, I give you my 3 red balloons. May YOUR will, YOUR purpose, and YOUR desire be met in them. Thank you for them.
Friend, whatever this day holds for you - happiness or sadness, know that God himself knows. He celebrates and he cries with you. But know too that his perfect plan is being done. . . . in you and in your children. Keep believing.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
"Two Tear Drops. . . "
Two tear drops slid down my face today in church . . . . One was named Heather and the other, Savannah.
And yet - - I keep praying.
Friend, don't give up. We see only a small pin-hole of a view. God sees and has planned out the entire picture of our lives. . . including our children's. You don't have to see results to know God is working. Most times I don't see any results....but I know He's still working. For in all things - in everything - in all ways God is bringing about HIS plans. And I don't believe for one minute - He is sitting there watching them mess up, and with His arms folded saying "You big GOOFS." What He is doing is making it all turn out for good!
Don't misinterpret me.....I get tired, I get discouraged, I cry, I get angry, I get disappointed. I even get tired of hearing how wonderfully well other people's children are doing in life!! But. . . I do cling to a God who knows. A God who cares. A God who is far more knowledgable than I am. A God who is sovereignly in control...over me, over you, and over my children. A God who has the very best for my children....in His perfect timing.
And so - - - I keep praying.
And yet - - I keep praying.
Friend, don't give up. We see only a small pin-hole of a view. God sees and has planned out the entire picture of our lives. . . including our children's. You don't have to see results to know God is working. Most times I don't see any results....but I know He's still working. For in all things - in everything - in all ways God is bringing about HIS plans. And I don't believe for one minute - He is sitting there watching them mess up, and with His arms folded saying "You big GOOFS." What He is doing is making it all turn out for good!
Don't misinterpret me.....I get tired, I get discouraged, I cry, I get angry, I get disappointed. I even get tired of hearing how wonderfully well other people's children are doing in life!! But. . . I do cling to a God who knows. A God who cares. A God who is far more knowledgable than I am. A God who is sovereignly in control...over me, over you, and over my children. A God who has the very best for my children....in His perfect timing.
And so - - - I keep praying.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
"And What Is It You May Ask That I Feel....??"
Although we have been here before......I can say both girls have moved out of our home now and we are down to just Levi!!! And what as, a mother, do I feel?? R E L I E F.
No more the task of raising a child from start to finish! No more the demands and expectations I place on myself to be the "right mother"! No more the constant questioning of WHAT are we supposed to be allowing and WHAT are we not supposed to be allowing!! No more the imaginings and questioning of where they are and what they are doing...and if they are telling the truth!! No more the wondering of how am I supposed to tell them this without sounding like a lecturer and then being met with "I'm NOT listening to you and it's going in one ear and out the other!" No more waking up to wonder will I see their car sitting outside....or not!! No more HOPING and expecting them to be in church....only to be met with an empty seat beside us!! No more messes in rooms and bathroom, dishes being undone, and eating in rooms! No more Tv's being left on unwatched and only on for noise! No more teenage drama that girls bring into your life!!
And why do I say all this??
Because I'm D O N E!!!
I can undoubtedly, completely and with full assurance say ...... these girls are in GOD'S HANDS and no longer mine!!! Yes, they ALWAYS have been in HIS hands.....but none moreso in my mind than they are as of now. And what does that bring>>>>> relief. Relief to know....God is bigger. God is in full control. God is the authority in their life. God has a will, and a plan.....and it WILL be done. Regardless of their actions or lack of....HIS will will be carried out. NOTHING will stop it!! And I wouldn't want it any other way.
One day, my friend, you too will have to let go and let God. Maybe it will be so with your own child(ren), or maybe it will be with fears, doubts and worries concerning your own life OR those you love. Regardless the circumstances, we all come to a place in our lives where we just need to stop.....let go.....and know God is on your side and will carry you through this.
You may say - Wow that was some really negative thoughts up there about your daughters! You may think that....you have that choice. But, on the flip side of the coin, it's really just a Mother bearing her honest heart with you to give you HOPE. Hope in realizing all that a Mother feels and goes through in raising a child and realizing in the end......God is all that matters.......God and God alone. He will take care of them. He will do His work in them. And regardless if I have been the role model Mother....or not.....His master plan will unfold in the time that is needed. And all will be right.
What my two daughters DO have is: my constant love, my constant prayers and my constant encouragement (all of these accepted or not).
The other day, in complete sadness, I questioned the very reason of WHY did God make me a Mother and was it not only but to hurt me. In thinking more clearly, I realize, that yes children DO hurt you, they discourage you, they anger you, they disappoint you. But, they also bring you a greater blessing that you would have never known had not God given you the gift of their life. Sometimes....you just have to look a little HARDER, and search a little LONGER.....but it's there!
Thank you God for my two daughters. It's been fun, it's been sad, it's been HARD, it's been crazy, it's been silly, it's been sweet, it's been heartbreaking, it's been emotional....it's been a journey. Have fun raising them the rest of the way.....you're definitely in for an ADVENTURE!! : )
No more the task of raising a child from start to finish! No more the demands and expectations I place on myself to be the "right mother"! No more the constant questioning of WHAT are we supposed to be allowing and WHAT are we not supposed to be allowing!! No more the imaginings and questioning of where they are and what they are doing...and if they are telling the truth!! No more the wondering of how am I supposed to tell them this without sounding like a lecturer and then being met with "I'm NOT listening to you and it's going in one ear and out the other!" No more waking up to wonder will I see their car sitting outside....or not!! No more HOPING and expecting them to be in church....only to be met with an empty seat beside us!! No more messes in rooms and bathroom, dishes being undone, and eating in rooms! No more Tv's being left on unwatched and only on for noise! No more teenage drama that girls bring into your life!!
And why do I say all this??
Because I'm D O N E!!!
I can undoubtedly, completely and with full assurance say ...... these girls are in GOD'S HANDS and no longer mine!!! Yes, they ALWAYS have been in HIS hands.....but none moreso in my mind than they are as of now. And what does that bring>>>>> relief. Relief to know....God is bigger. God is in full control. God is the authority in their life. God has a will, and a plan.....and it WILL be done. Regardless of their actions or lack of....HIS will will be carried out. NOTHING will stop it!! And I wouldn't want it any other way.
One day, my friend, you too will have to let go and let God. Maybe it will be so with your own child(ren), or maybe it will be with fears, doubts and worries concerning your own life OR those you love. Regardless the circumstances, we all come to a place in our lives where we just need to stop.....let go.....and know God is on your side and will carry you through this.
You may say - Wow that was some really negative thoughts up there about your daughters! You may think that....you have that choice. But, on the flip side of the coin, it's really just a Mother bearing her honest heart with you to give you HOPE. Hope in realizing all that a Mother feels and goes through in raising a child and realizing in the end......God is all that matters.......God and God alone. He will take care of them. He will do His work in them. And regardless if I have been the role model Mother....or not.....His master plan will unfold in the time that is needed. And all will be right.
What my two daughters DO have is: my constant love, my constant prayers and my constant encouragement (all of these accepted or not).
The other day, in complete sadness, I questioned the very reason of WHY did God make me a Mother and was it not only but to hurt me. In thinking more clearly, I realize, that yes children DO hurt you, they discourage you, they anger you, they disappoint you. But, they also bring you a greater blessing that you would have never known had not God given you the gift of their life. Sometimes....you just have to look a little HARDER, and search a little LONGER.....but it's there!
Thank you God for my two daughters. It's been fun, it's been sad, it's been HARD, it's been crazy, it's been silly, it's been sweet, it's been heartbreaking, it's been emotional....it's been a journey. Have fun raising them the rest of the way.....you're definitely in for an ADVENTURE!! : )
 |
| Heather Marie and Savannah Ann |
Saturday, April 14, 2012
"If You Had the Chance.....Would You??"
Often I wonder. . . why do people choose to wait until someone has passed from this life to the next before they will bring about all the good things they wanted to say regarding them? Why not, while still given the opportunity, tell them what they mean to you, how their life has impacted yours? Wouldn't it be something really great if we could attend our own funerals and HEAR all the wonderful words people share about us that they never told us while we were still living?! Maybe that sounds weird....or prideful. Weird is fine....prideful, I do not wish to convey.
One thing I do know and it is this. . . each of our days here on this earth are numbered by our God who knows them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow! So why not take the opportunity, while you still can, and share with your loved ones and friends just what they have meant to you??
As many of you know, I have an Aunt who has just recently been diagnosed with Cancer. I have had the blessing to visit with her and talk about this one on one with her. She is truly at peace with the outcome. She knows that God will heal her here on earth or he will heal her in Heaven. She is a true example of God's grace being given .....not too soon and not too late.....but just at the right time.
So with her on my mind and in my prayers, I feel God has led me to write this Blog in honor of her and what she means to me. . . .
Aunt Sandra, I will start this off by telling you what you already know - - I love you.
From the earliest memories you were the other half of my Mother. Even as a small child I can vaguely remember sometimes being confused at first glance which of you was my real Mother! You told me recently that you are and have been my second Mother and rightly so you have. My Mother and you share a bond closer than just sisters and that is to be treasured. It is something I've never had, but someday will maybe get to have when I meet my sister in Heaven! (By the way, Dan, you KNOW I love you if you're reading this!)
When I think back in time I can remember things like these:
- Waffles!!
I LOVED your waffles and there has NEVER been anyone anywhere that can even can compare to your waffles!! Saturday mornings were such a treat when we got to go to your house for breakfast! And an even bigger treat was when you would cook them for dinners too!! :)
- Spending the night at your house.
I'm sure I probably have spent many nights at your house throughout my growing up years. I can remember one such night when I was sleeping with you (Uncle Bob worked nights) and all of the sudden we heard a noise! You got up cautiously and I ducked right under the covers! As it turns out, Uncle had come home during the night unexpectedly. Whew that was scary!
- Taking walks around the neighborhood and adjoining ones.
I have always loved to walk and we had some really great walks! It was a time to share and a time of just enjoying each other. I don't remember the topics of conversation, but I'm sure we talked about everything!
- Swimming.
I can go waaaay back and remember when you and my Mother took upon yourselves to conquer my fear of water! It was at Burger Lake in Ft Worth. I had to be pretty SMALL. You both took me way out to the middle of the lake and would both say "Now...SWIM. C'mon I'm right here." I would swim from my Mother to you and back again. Only thing is - I caught on to yall's game! You kept backing up further and further apart!! Thanks for not letting me drown, Auntie! (I think.)
I remember going to your neighborhood pool, behind your house, on hot Summer days, and what FUN that was too!
- Movies and Six Flags!
As I write those two words, I have to laugh out loud! If there ever was going to be something that totally un-nerved me as a child it would be the fear of the UNKNOWN! I was and still am a person who likes to be prepared for whatever I'm about to do! And the movies and Six Flags were two places that could un-nerve me as odd as that sounds! Back in the day, we didn't have the computer to go read every detail about the movie we were about to go and see. Therefore, as a very sheltered child, I WANTED to know what was about to enter my world through the world of entertainment. I still laugh at the memory of going to see the movie "When Savannah Smiles" and repeatedly asking you "What is going to be in this movie? What's it about? What are they going to say? Will I like it?" Haha! I can hear you now saying "DEBORAH, would you just sit back and relax?! you are going to be just fine!" ........ and I was. :)
Six Flags was the other thing that terrified me immensely!! I can remember you and Uncle Bob taking me there to have a FUN time and all I could think about was ....what is this ride? what does it do? am I going to like it? If I couldn't see a full ride it was most likely a NO-GO! I do think you two may have "coaxed' me onto some though. :)
- Going to meet you at the mall with my Mother.
I can remember Saturday mornings when my Mother would wake me up and say I'm leaving in 10 mins to meet Sandra. Get up and get dressed if you want to go. Umm....THANKS Mother for giving me so much time to get ready!! : ) We would either go to your house or meet you at the mall it seems. I can remember how it ALWAYS amazed you that I was never a person who would eat snacks...such as a cookie....nor would I drink drinks .... such as sodas....if it was in between meals. I can hear you say "Don't ya want just ONE cookie? How about a coke?" And I stuck to my guns too! :)
- O here's a good one - - DUSTING YOUR HOUSE!!
Does ANYONE really like to dust?? I think you thought I did! I can remember you sitting on the couch, while not being able to clean and saying "Hey! would you like to do something really neat?! How would you like to dust my house for me?!?!" And this dusting would include removing an entire unit of collectible golf balls on display as well as MULTIPLE knick knacks throughout to do this very job!! O the pure JOY.
(wink wink) Did you give me money for that?
- Visiting you in the hospital.
I can remember one such time when I was sitting with you. It was just me and you....don't know where the others were. You wanted to look at your cards you had received from various friends and family, so you asked me to bring them to you. As I gave them to you you began attempting to read them. Did I mention . . .you were still "slightly" drugged?! I'm laughing now as I write this!! As you began reading them out loud, your eyes would shut. You would open them and pathetically tell me "I can't see the words. I don't know what it says." You tried this a few times and always unsuccessful you would be. I found this to be very FUNNY! Oooops sorry Auntie! It made me laugh and I would tell you "You can't see the words because you keep shutting your eyes!!" Haha! I then would lovingly take them and read them out loud to you. :)
These are just a few of the many memories I have made along the way sharing a lifetime with you!
Auntie, you have always been such a source of strength. Your life, as long as I can remember, has held alot of obstacles of health that you have patiently had to endure. Maybe there have been times of questioning God Himself as to why. Sometimes we may never know the answers to our whys, but yet we trust that EVERYTHING in this life God has allowed or given has been to mold us and make us into the very creation He desired us to be. He knows best how to use us. I'm sure your very life has touched MANY many souls throughout time! We thank God for allowing us to be a vessel for Him to use! I thank God that His grace, His love, His forgiveness, His strength has been made evident through YOU. :)
As I started this Blog out in the beginning. . . NONE of us is assured of tomorrow. We are all here for a very short time. So it is with that knowledge that I choose to tell you my dear, sweet Auntie. . . I love YOU dearly. I thank God for giving you to me as my second Mother and my own funny Auntie - who has loved me in return with all the love in the world.
Maybe one day, should your time come before mine, I will look out my window and see a beautiful white bird soaring high and strong - knowing that it's a memory of you and the time I shared with you on this earth. :)
To all those who may be reading along - - why not take the time to reach out to someone you love and let them know what they mean to you today? I'm betting you will be glad you did! :)
One thing I do know and it is this. . . each of our days here on this earth are numbered by our God who knows them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow! So why not take the opportunity, while you still can, and share with your loved ones and friends just what they have meant to you??
As many of you know, I have an Aunt who has just recently been diagnosed with Cancer. I have had the blessing to visit with her and talk about this one on one with her. She is truly at peace with the outcome. She knows that God will heal her here on earth or he will heal her in Heaven. She is a true example of God's grace being given .....not too soon and not too late.....but just at the right time.
So with her on my mind and in my prayers, I feel God has led me to write this Blog in honor of her and what she means to me. . . .
Aunt Sandra, I will start this off by telling you what you already know - - I love you.
From the earliest memories you were the other half of my Mother. Even as a small child I can vaguely remember sometimes being confused at first glance which of you was my real Mother! You told me recently that you are and have been my second Mother and rightly so you have. My Mother and you share a bond closer than just sisters and that is to be treasured. It is something I've never had, but someday will maybe get to have when I meet my sister in Heaven! (By the way, Dan, you KNOW I love you if you're reading this!)
When I think back in time I can remember things like these:
- Waffles!!
I LOVED your waffles and there has NEVER been anyone anywhere that can even can compare to your waffles!! Saturday mornings were such a treat when we got to go to your house for breakfast! And an even bigger treat was when you would cook them for dinners too!! :)
- Spending the night at your house.
I'm sure I probably have spent many nights at your house throughout my growing up years. I can remember one such night when I was sleeping with you (Uncle Bob worked nights) and all of the sudden we heard a noise! You got up cautiously and I ducked right under the covers! As it turns out, Uncle had come home during the night unexpectedly. Whew that was scary!
- Taking walks around the neighborhood and adjoining ones.
I have always loved to walk and we had some really great walks! It was a time to share and a time of just enjoying each other. I don't remember the topics of conversation, but I'm sure we talked about everything!
- Swimming.
I can go waaaay back and remember when you and my Mother took upon yourselves to conquer my fear of water! It was at Burger Lake in Ft Worth. I had to be pretty SMALL. You both took me way out to the middle of the lake and would both say "Now...SWIM. C'mon I'm right here." I would swim from my Mother to you and back again. Only thing is - I caught on to yall's game! You kept backing up further and further apart!! Thanks for not letting me drown, Auntie! (I think.)
I remember going to your neighborhood pool, behind your house, on hot Summer days, and what FUN that was too!
- Movies and Six Flags!
As I write those two words, I have to laugh out loud! If there ever was going to be something that totally un-nerved me as a child it would be the fear of the UNKNOWN! I was and still am a person who likes to be prepared for whatever I'm about to do! And the movies and Six Flags were two places that could un-nerve me as odd as that sounds! Back in the day, we didn't have the computer to go read every detail about the movie we were about to go and see. Therefore, as a very sheltered child, I WANTED to know what was about to enter my world through the world of entertainment. I still laugh at the memory of going to see the movie "When Savannah Smiles" and repeatedly asking you "What is going to be in this movie? What's it about? What are they going to say? Will I like it?" Haha! I can hear you now saying "DEBORAH, would you just sit back and relax?! you are going to be just fine!" ........ and I was. :)
Six Flags was the other thing that terrified me immensely!! I can remember you and Uncle Bob taking me there to have a FUN time and all I could think about was ....what is this ride? what does it do? am I going to like it? If I couldn't see a full ride it was most likely a NO-GO! I do think you two may have "coaxed' me onto some though. :)
- Going to meet you at the mall with my Mother.
I can remember Saturday mornings when my Mother would wake me up and say I'm leaving in 10 mins to meet Sandra. Get up and get dressed if you want to go. Umm....THANKS Mother for giving me so much time to get ready!! : ) We would either go to your house or meet you at the mall it seems. I can remember how it ALWAYS amazed you that I was never a person who would eat snacks...such as a cookie....nor would I drink drinks .... such as sodas....if it was in between meals. I can hear you say "Don't ya want just ONE cookie? How about a coke?" And I stuck to my guns too! :)
- O here's a good one - - DUSTING YOUR HOUSE!!
Does ANYONE really like to dust?? I think you thought I did! I can remember you sitting on the couch, while not being able to clean and saying "Hey! would you like to do something really neat?! How would you like to dust my house for me?!?!" And this dusting would include removing an entire unit of collectible golf balls on display as well as MULTIPLE knick knacks throughout to do this very job!! O the pure JOY.
(wink wink) Did you give me money for that?
- Visiting you in the hospital.
I can remember one such time when I was sitting with you. It was just me and you....don't know where the others were. You wanted to look at your cards you had received from various friends and family, so you asked me to bring them to you. As I gave them to you you began attempting to read them. Did I mention . . .you were still "slightly" drugged?! I'm laughing now as I write this!! As you began reading them out loud, your eyes would shut. You would open them and pathetically tell me "I can't see the words. I don't know what it says." You tried this a few times and always unsuccessful you would be. I found this to be very FUNNY! Oooops sorry Auntie! It made me laugh and I would tell you "You can't see the words because you keep shutting your eyes!!" Haha! I then would lovingly take them and read them out loud to you. :)
These are just a few of the many memories I have made along the way sharing a lifetime with you!
Auntie, you have always been such a source of strength. Your life, as long as I can remember, has held alot of obstacles of health that you have patiently had to endure. Maybe there have been times of questioning God Himself as to why. Sometimes we may never know the answers to our whys, but yet we trust that EVERYTHING in this life God has allowed or given has been to mold us and make us into the very creation He desired us to be. He knows best how to use us. I'm sure your very life has touched MANY many souls throughout time! We thank God for allowing us to be a vessel for Him to use! I thank God that His grace, His love, His forgiveness, His strength has been made evident through YOU. :)
As I started this Blog out in the beginning. . . NONE of us is assured of tomorrow. We are all here for a very short time. So it is with that knowledge that I choose to tell you my dear, sweet Auntie. . . I love YOU dearly. I thank God for giving you to me as my second Mother and my own funny Auntie - who has loved me in return with all the love in the world.
Maybe one day, should your time come before mine, I will look out my window and see a beautiful white bird soaring high and strong - knowing that it's a memory of you and the time I shared with you on this earth. :)
To all those who may be reading along - - why not take the time to reach out to someone you love and let them know what they mean to you today? I'm betting you will be glad you did! :)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
"Sharing My Heart and Passion With YOU!"
As I sit here and try my very best to come up with something to share with others through writing . . . I come up blank. Maybe most would say O well today is not the day to write and be off to do something else with theirselves. Me - my passion is to write and encourage and share. . . so I wait.
In my waiting, I think back over the past days to see if there is something I could relate back to and share with you that would be encouraging and inspiring. Again. . . I come up blank.
So instead I share the passion of my heart.
And it is this.
God IS the Redeemer of our lives. The very Redeemer of our lost souls through his salvation. And. . . the true Redeemer of his own children, through grace and forgiveness.
My friend, if you don't know the salvation he gives for you, it is free to ALL who call upon him as Lord and Savior. He will do it - just ask. But, also please know that if you are a child of God - failure, mistakes, weaknesses are NOT something you are immune to. Christians DO fall. And when they fall, God picks them up again. . . not leaving them to their own strength that fails.
God's grace is REAL. God's forgiveness is REAL. God's healing is REAL. God's rescuing is REAL. And God's resoration is REAL. I'm living proof to each of these in my life as a child of God - who has experienced failure, mistakes and weaknesses. But evenso, knowing that it is God Himself who has made beauty from the ashes, promise from despair, hope from hopelessness - - - and a light to you to give you hope. Hope to know that you may fall, but God will never leave you nor forsake you. His loving hand will lift you up, set you on a better path, cleanse you from your sins, and through him and him alone be the Healer that will set you free.
Sometimes God asks that we be patient and wait on him as he is doing all of this. It is in those times that we trust no matter what our emotions, thoughts or doubts tell us. God IS in control and he WILL see us through. I read in a devotion these words: "When we walk in difficult places, God sends the strength and nourishment to face what comes our way, not all at once, but day by day." Also, God tells us in Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
I know I have talked about this subject, probably alot, through statuses and blogs too, but it is the very heartbeat God has given me through my own personal trials and errors to share HIS deliverance with you child of God or lost sinner.
And so it is I leave with you these words: "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man (or woman) whose sin the Lord does not count against him (or her) and in whose spirit is no deceit." Psalms 32: 1-2. And one more: "From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." Psalm 3:8.
My friend, let God be the One who brings deliverance into your life. Trust him for it!! :)
In my waiting, I think back over the past days to see if there is something I could relate back to and share with you that would be encouraging and inspiring. Again. . . I come up blank.
So instead I share the passion of my heart.
And it is this.
God IS the Redeemer of our lives. The very Redeemer of our lost souls through his salvation. And. . . the true Redeemer of his own children, through grace and forgiveness.
My friend, if you don't know the salvation he gives for you, it is free to ALL who call upon him as Lord and Savior. He will do it - just ask. But, also please know that if you are a child of God - failure, mistakes, weaknesses are NOT something you are immune to. Christians DO fall. And when they fall, God picks them up again. . . not leaving them to their own strength that fails.
God's grace is REAL. God's forgiveness is REAL. God's healing is REAL. God's rescuing is REAL. And God's resoration is REAL. I'm living proof to each of these in my life as a child of God - who has experienced failure, mistakes and weaknesses. But evenso, knowing that it is God Himself who has made beauty from the ashes, promise from despair, hope from hopelessness - - - and a light to you to give you hope. Hope to know that you may fall, but God will never leave you nor forsake you. His loving hand will lift you up, set you on a better path, cleanse you from your sins, and through him and him alone be the Healer that will set you free.
Sometimes God asks that we be patient and wait on him as he is doing all of this. It is in those times that we trust no matter what our emotions, thoughts or doubts tell us. God IS in control and he WILL see us through. I read in a devotion these words: "When we walk in difficult places, God sends the strength and nourishment to face what comes our way, not all at once, but day by day." Also, God tells us in Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
I know I have talked about this subject, probably alot, through statuses and blogs too, but it is the very heartbeat God has given me through my own personal trials and errors to share HIS deliverance with you child of God or lost sinner.
And so it is I leave with you these words: "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man (or woman) whose sin the Lord does not count against him (or her) and in whose spirit is no deceit." Psalms 32: 1-2. And one more: "From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." Psalm 3:8.
My friend, let God be the One who brings deliverance into your life. Trust him for it!! :)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
"All Because of One Special Boy. . . ."
David and I have made a decision to start working out at the gym, on a continous basis....once again. We previously were committed and for one reason or another decided to not continue. Let me say here. . . I am SO very PROUD of my David and his accomplishments!! He is working hard and his efforts are coming with results! Please pray for continued determination and motivation if he crosses your mind. :)
As for me - I am self diagnosing myself to now know it's official.....I'm allergic to exercise!! I start sneezing whenever vigorously working out on treadmill! Craziest thing ever!! So if you happen to see me wiping my nose, and my eyes, all the while sneezing....I'm not sick.....I just have a case of allergictoexercise is all. :)
Yesterday, we were at the gym working out as usual. I absolutely love the fact that they now have a row of treadmills facing AWAY from all those crazy Tv monitors! BESSST thing they ever did for that place! We were treading along when I noticed a teenage boy catch my eye. I noticed that he had physical limitations that didn't allow for him to be "normal" as if everyone else was. He appeared to have Cerebal Palsy or maybe even results from a stroke. . .one side was considerably weaker than the other. I continued to watch him throughout his workout with a trainer. He became true inspiration for me in many ways.
He was a very GOOD looking teenage boy and he dressed the part of someone his age. He would joke around with the trainer, smile often, and wave at occassional people passing by. He was happy. He was determined. And. . . he didn't let his limitations stop him. As I said earlier, there appeared to be two sides to his body - a stronger side + a weaker side - and both were worked out during his time there. The stronger side was exercised with weights, while the weaker side was simply held, pulled, and stretched by the trainer. Both sides took genuine effort by this boy himself, but the weaker side made it visibly clear . . . this was tough. His face let you see the pain and focus of his determination. All the while, the trainer continued to gently lead him through his exercises. To me this boy was the true athelete, stronger than anyone in that entire gym. The simple stretching, lifting, and following through took a physical strength that not many of us probably have. His determination even brought tears to my eyes! Not only did this boy have to deal with his physical limitations, but as he sat there and rested, a group of teenage boys casually walked by him. I had to wonder "Does he wish his life was different? Does he long to be like others without viewable limitations?" I can't really answer that question for him, but my hope is that he sees himself as someone who is greatly BLESSED and that he doesn't have to look, act, think, walk, talk like others to be who God created him to be. The boys didn't appear to have any negative effects on his countenance and he continued steadily on. As time went on, I happened to look away for what only seemed moments only to return my focus on what was now an empty workout table. It seemed as if this boy who appeared from nowhere....suddenly was gone just as quickly! It was as if he was an angel of inspiration sent right in front of me!
As I was intently watching this courageous boy with his workout, I begin to see God and our own lifes, and the similarities. To me the strong side of this boy's body represented our strengths in our life > talents, abilities and such. We usually feel pretty good about working those areas out. We have reachable confidence to get us through the "workout". But when we come to the other side of our bodies known better as the weak side, it can be a different story! Maybe the weak side could be considered of failures, temptations, worry, mistakes, fears, doubts and the list goes on. BUT! in and of all those weaknesses none are too great for our Mighty God Himself to overcome and lead us through!! Just as I saw through the powerful example of this beautiful boy in front of me! The strong side, the trainer was there if he needed him, and at times he did, but he was more confident in doing it. The weak side, the trainer was there to assist and encourage. He gently held and supported him taking the boy's arm and leading him through it. Never did the trainer just step back and say do it, with his arms folded idlely, standing by, and the boy not being able to do it. He was there to see him through it....to completion and nothing less. How wonderfully the SAME as we see God in our lives!! God knows we are perfectly imperfect....He knows we have weaknesses that seem unbearable sometimes, He knows the limitations of our humaness. And yet He never once just stands back and says "Figure it out yourself. You got yourself here, get yourself out. You wanna be strong - then do this on your own and you will be." NO!! what He does do is holds us up when we can't stand, carries us when we can't walk, listens to us when we are afraid, and . . . He leads us through it. What he does say is "I'm here for you child. Lean on me. Trust me. I know it may hurt, but I'm making you stronger because of it. I will never give up on you."
So, my friend, whenever you may feel despair because of the weaknesses that you see in your life.....KNOW that God is there with you.....holding you, supporting you, encouraging you, bringing you to a better place and seeing you through to completion. He never asks you to do it alone. Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."
Thank you Jesus for sharing hope with me. . . through one inspiring, beautiful boy! :)
As for me - I am self diagnosing myself to now know it's official.....I'm allergic to exercise!! I start sneezing whenever vigorously working out on treadmill! Craziest thing ever!! So if you happen to see me wiping my nose, and my eyes, all the while sneezing....I'm not sick.....I just have a case of allergictoexercise is all. :)
Yesterday, we were at the gym working out as usual. I absolutely love the fact that they now have a row of treadmills facing AWAY from all those crazy Tv monitors! BESSST thing they ever did for that place! We were treading along when I noticed a teenage boy catch my eye. I noticed that he had physical limitations that didn't allow for him to be "normal" as if everyone else was. He appeared to have Cerebal Palsy or maybe even results from a stroke. . .one side was considerably weaker than the other. I continued to watch him throughout his workout with a trainer. He became true inspiration for me in many ways.
He was a very GOOD looking teenage boy and he dressed the part of someone his age. He would joke around with the trainer, smile often, and wave at occassional people passing by. He was happy. He was determined. And. . . he didn't let his limitations stop him. As I said earlier, there appeared to be two sides to his body - a stronger side + a weaker side - and both were worked out during his time there. The stronger side was exercised with weights, while the weaker side was simply held, pulled, and stretched by the trainer. Both sides took genuine effort by this boy himself, but the weaker side made it visibly clear . . . this was tough. His face let you see the pain and focus of his determination. All the while, the trainer continued to gently lead him through his exercises. To me this boy was the true athelete, stronger than anyone in that entire gym. The simple stretching, lifting, and following through took a physical strength that not many of us probably have. His determination even brought tears to my eyes! Not only did this boy have to deal with his physical limitations, but as he sat there and rested, a group of teenage boys casually walked by him. I had to wonder "Does he wish his life was different? Does he long to be like others without viewable limitations?" I can't really answer that question for him, but my hope is that he sees himself as someone who is greatly BLESSED and that he doesn't have to look, act, think, walk, talk like others to be who God created him to be. The boys didn't appear to have any negative effects on his countenance and he continued steadily on. As time went on, I happened to look away for what only seemed moments only to return my focus on what was now an empty workout table. It seemed as if this boy who appeared from nowhere....suddenly was gone just as quickly! It was as if he was an angel of inspiration sent right in front of me!
As I was intently watching this courageous boy with his workout, I begin to see God and our own lifes, and the similarities. To me the strong side of this boy's body represented our strengths in our life > talents, abilities and such. We usually feel pretty good about working those areas out. We have reachable confidence to get us through the "workout". But when we come to the other side of our bodies known better as the weak side, it can be a different story! Maybe the weak side could be considered of failures, temptations, worry, mistakes, fears, doubts and the list goes on. BUT! in and of all those weaknesses none are too great for our Mighty God Himself to overcome and lead us through!! Just as I saw through the powerful example of this beautiful boy in front of me! The strong side, the trainer was there if he needed him, and at times he did, but he was more confident in doing it. The weak side, the trainer was there to assist and encourage. He gently held and supported him taking the boy's arm and leading him through it. Never did the trainer just step back and say do it, with his arms folded idlely, standing by, and the boy not being able to do it. He was there to see him through it....to completion and nothing less. How wonderfully the SAME as we see God in our lives!! God knows we are perfectly imperfect....He knows we have weaknesses that seem unbearable sometimes, He knows the limitations of our humaness. And yet He never once just stands back and says "Figure it out yourself. You got yourself here, get yourself out. You wanna be strong - then do this on your own and you will be." NO!! what He does do is holds us up when we can't stand, carries us when we can't walk, listens to us when we are afraid, and . . . He leads us through it. What he does say is "I'm here for you child. Lean on me. Trust me. I know it may hurt, but I'm making you stronger because of it. I will never give up on you."
So, my friend, whenever you may feel despair because of the weaknesses that you see in your life.....KNOW that God is there with you.....holding you, supporting you, encouraging you, bringing you to a better place and seeing you through to completion. He never asks you to do it alone. Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."
Thank you Jesus for sharing hope with me. . . through one inspiring, beautiful boy! :)
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