"If You Had the Chance.....Would You??"

Often I wonder. . . why do people choose to wait until someone has passed from this life to the next before they will bring about all the good things they wanted to say regarding them? Why not, while still given the opportunity, tell them what they mean to you, how their life has impacted yours? Wouldn't it be something really great if we could attend our own funerals and HEAR all the wonderful words people share about us that they never told us while we were still living?! Maybe that sounds weird....or prideful. Weird is fine....prideful, I do not wish to convey.

One thing I do know and it is this. . . each of our days here on this earth are numbered by our God who knows them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow! So why not take the opportunity, while you still can, and share with your loved ones and friends just what they have meant to you??

As many of you know, I have an Aunt who has just recently been diagnosed with Cancer. I have had the blessing to visit with her and talk about this one on one with her. She is truly at peace with the outcome. She knows that God will heal her here on earth or he will heal her in Heaven. She is a true example of God's grace being given .....not too soon and not too late.....but just at the right time.

So with her on my mind and in my prayers, I feel God has led me to write this Blog in honor of her and what she means to me. . . .

Aunt Sandra, I will start this off by telling you what you already know - - I love you.

From the earliest memories you were the other half of my Mother. Even as a small child I can vaguely remember sometimes being confused at first glance which of you was my real Mother! You told me recently that you are and have been my second Mother and rightly so you have. My Mother and you share a bond closer than just sisters and that is to be treasured. It is something I've never had, but someday will maybe get to have when I meet my sister in Heaven! (By the way, Dan, you KNOW I love you if you're reading this!)

When I think back in time I can remember things like these:

- Waffles!!
I LOVED your waffles and there has NEVER been anyone anywhere that can even can compare to your waffles!! Saturday mornings were such a treat when we got to go to your house for breakfast! And an even bigger treat was when you would cook them for dinners too!! :)

- Spending the night at your house.
I'm sure I probably have spent many nights at your house throughout my growing up years. I can remember one such night when I was sleeping with you (Uncle Bob worked nights) and all of the sudden we heard a noise! You got up cautiously and I ducked right under the covers! As it turns out, Uncle had come home during the night unexpectedly. Whew that was scary!

- Taking walks around the neighborhood and adjoining ones.
I have always loved to walk and we had some really great walks! It was a time to share and a time of just enjoying each other. I don't remember the topics of conversation, but I'm sure we talked about everything!

- Swimming.
I can go waaaay back and remember when you and my Mother took upon yourselves to conquer my fear of water! It was at Burger Lake in Ft Worth. I had to be pretty SMALL. You both took me way out to the middle of the lake and would both say "Now...SWIM. C'mon I'm right here." I would swim from my Mother to you and back again. Only thing is - I caught on to yall's game! You kept backing up further and further apart!! Thanks for not letting me drown, Auntie! (I think.)
I remember going to your neighborhood pool, behind your house, on hot Summer days, and what FUN that was too!

- Movies and Six Flags!
As I write those two words, I have to laugh out loud! If there ever was going to be something that totally un-nerved me as a child it would be the fear of the UNKNOWN! I was and still am a person who likes to be prepared for whatever I'm about to do! And the movies and Six Flags were two places that could un-nerve me as odd as that sounds! Back in the day, we didn't have the computer to go read every detail about the movie we were about to go and see. Therefore, as a very sheltered child, I WANTED to know what was about to enter my world through the world of entertainment. I still laugh at the memory of going to see the movie "When Savannah Smiles" and repeatedly asking you "What is going to be in this movie? What's it about? What are they going to say? Will I like it?"  Haha! I can hear you now saying "DEBORAH, would you just sit back and relax?! you are going to be just fine!" ........ and I was. :)
Six Flags was the other thing that terrified me immensely!! I can remember you and Uncle Bob taking me there to have a FUN time and all I could think about was ....what is this ride? what does it do? am I going to like it? If I couldn't see a full ride it was most likely a NO-GO! I do think you two may have "coaxed' me onto some though. :)

- Going to meet you at the mall with my Mother.
I can remember Saturday mornings when my Mother would wake me up and say I'm leaving in 10 mins to meet Sandra. Get up and get dressed if you want to go. Umm....THANKS Mother for giving me so much time to get ready!! : ) We would either go to your house or meet you at the mall it seems. I can remember how it ALWAYS amazed you that I was never a person who would eat snacks...such as a cookie....nor would I drink drinks .... such as sodas....if it was in between meals. I can hear you say "Don't ya want just ONE cookie? How about a coke?" And I stuck to my guns too! :)

- O here's a good one - - DUSTING YOUR HOUSE!!
Does ANYONE really like to dust?? I think you thought I did! I can remember you sitting on the couch, while not being able to clean and saying "Hey! would you like to do something really neat?! How would you like to dust my house for me?!?!" And this dusting would include removing an entire unit of collectible golf balls on display as well as MULTIPLE knick knacks throughout to do this very job!! O the pure JOY.
(wink wink) Did you give me money for that?

- Visiting you in the hospital.
I can remember one such time when I was sitting with you. It was just me and you....don't know where the others were. You wanted to look at your cards you had received from various friends and family, so you asked me to bring them to you. As I gave them to you you began attempting to read them. Did I mention . . .you were still "slightly" drugged?! I'm laughing now as I write this!! As you began reading them out loud, your eyes would shut. You would open them and pathetically tell me "I can't see the words. I don't know what it says." You tried this a few times and always unsuccessful you would be. I found this to be very FUNNY! Oooops sorry Auntie! It made me laugh and I would tell you "You can't see the words because you keep shutting your eyes!!" Haha!  I then would lovingly take them and read them out loud to you. :)

These are just a few of the many memories I have made along the way sharing a lifetime with you!

Auntie, you have always been such a source of strength. Your life, as long as I can remember, has held alot of obstacles of health that you have patiently had to endure. Maybe there have been times of questioning God Himself as to why. Sometimes we may never know the answers to our whys, but yet we trust that EVERYTHING in this life God has allowed or given has been to mold us and make us into the very creation He desired us to be. He knows best how to use us. I'm sure your very life has touched MANY many souls throughout time! We thank God for allowing us to be a vessel for Him to use! I thank God that His grace, His love, His forgiveness, His strength has been made evident through YOU. :)

As I started this Blog out in the beginning. . . NONE of us is assured of tomorrow. We are all here for a very short time. So it is with that knowledge that I choose to tell you my dear, sweet Auntie. . . I love YOU dearly. I thank God for giving you to me as my second Mother and my own funny Auntie  - who has loved me in return with all the love in the world.

Maybe one day, should your time come before mine, I will look out my window and see a beautiful white bird soaring high and strong - knowing that it's a memory of you and the time I shared with you on this earth. :)

To all those who may be reading along - - why not take the time to reach out to someone you love and let them know what they mean to you today? I'm betting you will be glad you did! :)



"When God Brings a Distant Child Back to Your Life!"



Last night I re-read my status from FB and. . . I am grateful. When I was searching for inspiration to share on FB, I had no idea it would connect with the blessings that I am shairng with you. But now I see it does and that makes me happy! Happy that God turns it around and shows me a blessing from the words I carefully seek to share with my FB friends! The status I speak of is this: Believe God IS working in your life. . . even when you don't feel it or see it! Sometimes it's one small step at a time, a gradual improvement, a gradual change. God's timetable is rarely the same as ours. Remember that God is never in a hurry, BUT He is always on time. Be patient . . . don't get discouraged! Remember how far you've come. . not just how far you have to go! You may not be where you wanna be, but neither are you where you used to be!! :)

Without going into a long drawn out and full detailed story. . . I will tell you that we have had a distant child in our family and God is bringing her back to us in HIS time! The distance has not been made up in miles, but rather in relationships with each of us. Somewhere . . . sometime. . . walls must have been placed. . . . barriers that none of us seemed to be able to penetrate. Love seemed to be no longer received or given, touch was prohibited and communication was very little when and if given. In fact this child chose to stop living in our home sometime during her high school years. It felt and appeared as if another family became her family as she chose to do everything with them. These times were HARD....they HURT.....I wanted desperately to reach out to my child, to hold her, hug her, love her and be the mother that I once had been to her. But just as it was hard. . . . I knew I had to do only what I could do. WAIT. Love her unconditionally. Pray. TRUST in a God that changes hearts, wills and desires. And be here for her . . . . always.

This child went away to college in another town. Upon leaving she packed all of her stuff all by herself and loaded it by herself. . . leaving by herself......for this was the way she wanted it. None of the normal stuff which would be taking your child to college, making sure she is settled in, tearful goodbyes, promises of phone calls every week.....just bye and she was - - gone. We did get a visit or two sometimes when she would come back to see friends and we would unexpectedly find out she was now in town. We even went there ourselves to visit a time or two and things would be civil, but never close.

At some point this child stopped attending college. We would later learn of it. She was fearful of our reactions to her news. God gave David and I both the love in our hearts to welcome her back home with open arms. . . that would be met with no hugs. I know that ALL things happen for a reason. For those who are God's, they happen for a GOOD reason. . . even when we don't see it, feel it, think it. . . He IS working -hence the FB status. For it has been during this time of her choosing to live, once again under the same roof, with the family that loves her, that God is working and we are seeing! I will share with you that it has NOT been a bump-less road. No, if anything, BIG bumps have been there. But, as I stop and observe through this time. . . .God is working His miracles of softening hearts. . . and it feels O-SO good!!!

There are more blessings of laughter and smiles to name one such miracle!! Laughter with sisters....laughter with brother.....laughter with Dad (Yeah, I know...everyone thinks DAD is funny), and laughter with Mom. Laughter and smiles with Mom is priceless, for I cannot even begin to describe to you what that means to this mother. There are no words to explain....even for a wordy person like me.

There is communication to name another miracle!! Times of enjoyed and wanted communication makes this Mom sit here and shake her head at the very awesomeness of it all! Communication with sisters, communication with brother, communication with Dad (although DAD is a limited communicator), and communication with Mom. You have to know that Mom and this child have had very limited communication, in years gone by, for it has had it's strain upon it making it very difficult. So when I say communication with MOM....I'm talking BIG "Thank ya Jesus!!" moments.

There are moments of this child telling me little things about myself through the years that I have forgotten about or thought nothing of. Little things such as how I do things, did things. This tells me she has watched me, thought about me, letting little things about her mother make a memory in her heart. And all this time I thought I was regarded as someone, in her mind, not to even give the time to think about. Maybe....just maybe....I have meant more to her than both she and I realized. :)

For the most part the responsibilty parts are falling into place as well. Details un-needed here.

Another miracle?? Yes!!
God has moved her to another job location allowing her to be OFF on Sundays!! She dropped out of going to any church whatsoever sometime ago. This concerned me greatly, but at the same time, I knew there was nothing I could do in and of myself. God knew. God would take care of it. Although she has not worked for some Sundays now and had her excuses, she told me this past one "I didn't know what time church started...and you didn't wake me up like you used to do." Thank ya Jesus! So even though she has not made the actual presence of attending church again, I believe it will happen....just as I believe that God is and will work in her heart to draw her closer to Him.

So as I reflect once again on my FB status, I see just how much we all fit in this. Believe God IS working in your life. . . even when you don't feel it or see it! Sometimes it's one small step at a time, a gradual improvement, a gradual change. God's timetable is rarely the same as ours. Remember that God is never in a hurry, BUT He is always on time. Be patient . . . don't get discouraged! Remember how far you've come. . not just how far you have to go! You may not be where you wanna be, but neither are you where you used to be!! :)  Although we haven't arrived yet and have yet farther to go.....and yes hugs are still "gross".....we know WHO holds us together and thank the Lord.....we aren't where we used to be!!!

"When God wants to make a mushroom, He does it overnight, but when He wants to make a giant oak tree, He takes a hundred years. Great souls are grown through struggles and storms and seasons of suffering. We can be patient through the process. Overtime, a slow, steady stream of water will erode the hardest rock and turn giant boulders into pebbles. And overtime, a little sprout can turn into a giant redwood tree towering 350 feet tall!"

Have HOPE my friend.....for God surely IS working.....even when we can't see it, feel it, or hear it. Wait on Him. :)