But before you close this Blog and say "this is just going to be a sad, sad story and I don't need sadness in my life today." give it a chance. For there may be hope in it as well. :)
This past Friday, August 2, my husband and I had to make a very hard decision. It seemingly had come time to put our sweet and oldest dog to sleep. That decision is never easy. There was not only concern for our dog, Jenna, and the pain she was so sweetly and pathetically suffering through, but also for our "children". Our concerns were brought to God with much prayer.
As I titled this Blog, I knew this picture would go perfectly with it. For in this picture it reveals one very broken-hearted girl grieving at the up and coming loss of her faithful and beloved pet.
From this picture, I believe it symbolizes that even animals can feel our sorrow. Although, yes our other dog, Lacie, loves to be petted....it's as if she feels Heather's sadness as well.
How DO you say Good-Bye?
I believe people have many ways. Some choose to avoid the situation and remember the loved one in the happier times and some choose to be there by their side through it all. Each is good and well and that person should be left knowing they have made the right choice. Let me say here....I fully know that the passing of a pet holds very little measure to the passing of a loved person, but each is sentimental and emotionally ..... well..... tough. I will also insert here that I never knew just how tough it was until I was placed in that situation myself. For all readers, that have been faced with this dilemma, or even your pets passing on their own....my heart goes out to you. In all my years, I have never been faced with death in such a real manner.
Over 13 years ago, in January of 2000, Jenna came into our lives. She would be 14 years old this Decemeber...or 98 freakin years in human terms! Our kids wanted a pet and Heather's friend had a neighbor that just happened to be selling Golden Retriever puppies....thus began the days of Jenna. She was the perfect puppy - cute, cuddly, O-so-sweet, and beautiful too....of course! I remember that we had to keep her in the front yard for what seemed forever. We had a stray dog come into our yard before the "days of Jenna" and we attempted to keep it. Turns out....puppy dog came with the dreaded PARVO sickness and we had puppy put to sleep. We didn't stay for that one...no attachments made. So, as you know....when Parvo is involved it contaminates ANYWHERE the dog may have been....which happened to be.....yes....our backyard. It was a matter of months before it was safe to put Jenna back there. We must have kept her in the garage at night and tied her to a lawn chair, in the grass, by day to provide some shade. Below is a first picture we took of her at age 3 months. We had traveled with her to visit my parents in Dallas. She was A D O R A B LE!
Jenna was always a wonderful dog and you really could not ask for any better. She was tender and sweet, caring and loving, patient and tolerant. She loved people, as often G.R.'s do and it was always evident in her gentle wag. On a sad thought....that tail had lost it's wag and excitement in these last months. She was always a model patient at the vet's office and no matter the procedure she would simply tolerate it with her gentleness.
Jenna, not quite 3 years old, and my Levi, 6 years old.
September 29, 2002
Jenna, 5 years old, and my Levi, 8 years old.
July 13, 2004
I love this picture!
We had forgotten just how dark and beautiful she was until looking back at this.
The day had came that we decided Jenna "needed" a playmate in her world. That word "needed" is used more of an overstatement on her part. We were the ones "needing" a playmate for Jenna so as to not feel badly for our lack of playing with her ourselves. Sorry Jenna girl.
And so enters Jenna's world...and ours....Lacie-Loo.
July 13, 2004
David and I had been to Petco recently and as always I loved to look at all the animals there on adoption day. There was a gorgeous black Lab there named Charlie. I kept being drawn back to him over and over. David really liked him alot too. But as always and in most things in life, my wise David said "If he's there when we come back...we'll know he was ours to get." As you can see....he wasn't there....sadly. It was just me and the kids that day, when I went back, and somehow they convinced Mom that we couldn't let this sweet little dog NOT go home with us! I am a softie...at times. Surprise, Jenna!! :)
We thought Lacie was going to be a relatively small dog with short hair. BOY was we ever wrong! She got fatter and fatter and her hair grew thicker and THICKER. She became a lion - - or maybe just the Chow in her was awakening! Lacie was obviously a very abused dog as a small puppy....she had many fears. But her fur was/is ridiculous! We were told when she was found that she was completely bald all over. Whomever took her in must have confused her for a duck with fur. They not only replaced all her missing fur with a new coat, but they also put duck down in it too! That dog is the hardest to get wet and stay wet!! Never seen anything like it before!! Lacie loved Jenna from the start and was never without her for any large amount of time. Jenna, on the other hand, tolerated Lacie as any good natured dog would.
July 13, 2004
Somewhere along the way they became...Lacie-Loo and Jenna-Too.
Big smiles!! :))
Our shaved lion-dog.
And then one day.....Jenna got old.
And older......
Lacie just kept growing more fur........
and older still.
We would begin giving her Glucosamine pills along with aspirin each day. Without them she would have days where she could not get up at all. Her hips were wearing out on her. In time, she was also diagnosed with Cancer in one of her back legs. She would loose 17 1/2 pounds in this last year. She also began to get enormous fatty tumors throughout different parts of her body. They were hideous looking they were so big! Her eyes had cataracts and her ears and hearing were questionable. The old gal was simply withering away, but she always had love and gentleness for us no matter how much pain she was in.
It appears she is still trying to give us a smile here.
These last two pictures was a day we thought she was going to leave us.
But amazingly...she would bounce back and once again go on living.
I know....you're probably wondering where is the hope I spoke of earlier in this story?? Just stay with me a little bit longer.
Down the road in time, I noticed that she was coming out of her pen looking stiffer than usual. I watched her, wondering does this mean the pills are no longer helping? And then this past Thursday, she began swaying and falling alot more than usual. She seemed to not want to put weight on her front left leg. Wonderful...now the poor dog has only 1 good working leg. David and I gave her a bath that day. She was laying fully spread out, on her right side, on the concrete. Pretty pathetic looking too. We tried to get her up and to change sides....wasn't happening. So, David rolled her gently from the right side to the left side. I felt like I saw something pop when he did. That night her walk was not good at all. When looking at her left leg it was as if her shoulder had sunk in and was gone. We thought it must be out of place and dislocated....possibly from David rolling her over. At that time, we knew we had to make the decision to go to the Vet and have her put to sleep. But we would wait until morning to do so. Now was the decision of whether to call our kids home and have them upset all night long. After praying together, we chose to wait til morning.
Friday morning, August 2, came and this is how she ate her breakfast. Never before had she had to eat like in this position.
As pathetic as she was....she still found one last smile for us. :)
And then....it was time to tell our kids.
That, in and of itself, was very hard. They knew she was old....they knew she wouldn't live forever. But, they had no clue it would be today. Heather came over first. She was here while David made the call to the Vet. She wanted to go with us, but this would not be. For the Vet would tell us the only appt available wouldn't be until 4:15 that day. Wow..... do they have any clue what it's like to know you're putting your beloved pet to sleep that day and being told to wait that long is like?? And as well the fact of poor Jenna in being such pain and discomfort?? But God knew. And so we waited. God was good to us all in our time of waiting....for Jenna, although in considerable pain most likely, was able to get up and walk on her own at times, as well as rest, and wait with us all. I had called Savannah and told her, but she chose to not come over for fear of not wanting to see her in her present condition. I assured her that was fine. She would however call me later telling me through alot of tears that she couldn't stay at work and had to come home. She didn't know we hadn't put Jenna to sleep yet and so I told her to come over and that it would be fine. She too would come and share her heart wrenching pain with Jenna. She did it alone. Only Jenna and her. And then....she was gone. That hurt, but it was the way she wanted it, and I gave it to her. Next, would be our son, Levi, who would show up around about the time David and I were leaving for lunch. And now I have a third child to "help" ease through this transition. <Deep breath>.....but alas this child was not as nearly upset as his two sisters were. He appeared to be more distracted by his car that we have been having so much trouble with lately. I knew then that he would be ok and we left for lunch. He would tell me later that he had went and spent a few quiet moments with Jenna before he left for work. That was good.
Once we returned from lunch and shopping (to distract us and make time go faster)....David began to dig the grave. Jenna would walk up and watch him. David would then say "Jenna, I hope you don't know what I'm doing." How sad it was to see that happen. He dug a very nice grave and it was no simple hole dug in the ground, but rather a very squared hole just about 4 feet down. He placed her bed in the bottom of it. He worked so very hard on it....so hard that he may have come very close to heat exhaustion! He couldn't catch his breath, he was sweating bucket loads, and his face was O so red. Thankfully, God took care of him!
While David dug....I laid in the grass with the dogs and took pictures......
Our two old ladies.....forever together.
Lacie is also a crippled dog. She has torn an ACL something or other, in one back leg, and a genetic defect, in both back legs, that has only worsened with time due to her age and her weight. She has been dealing with excessive hot spots all over her body and allergies. <Shaking my head> poor old dogs.
And finally.....it was time.
We loaded Jenna up in my Jeep. As we did, I heard Lacie let out a cry. David and I wondered if she knew that would be the last time she would see her faithful friend. David carried Jenna in his arms into the Vet's office and carried her once again to the room. Jenna was fragile, big, and awkward, but he did it with love for her.
Waiting for the doctor.
We asked the doctor if we possibly had caused this most previous situation with Jenna by rolling her over on the concrete. She assured us that had it been the reason, we could have never done that to a healthy dog....therefore saying Jenna was very fragile and it wasn't us to feel badly over. She never questioned us on our decision and agreed that it was time. The doctor explained that the most pain she would feel was a simple prick of the needle. This would be a shot to relax her, calm her....two things she basically always has been. It was her "I don't care" shot and "I'm going to sleep now." That's exactly what she did....little by little she would relax and drift farther into sleep.
Goodnight, sweet girl......
I cried silent tears stroking her head.
David and the doctor then picked her up from the ground and placed her on the counter. The next process would begin. She shaved a place on her leg for an IV to go into. It was then explained that this would make her heart stop beating. As the IV meds went in, I once again was stroking her head, tears dripping slowly down my face, and I told her what a good girl she was. The doctor would wait......giving the meds time to work. Jenna's body ever so slightly jolted, but I don't believe it was from any pain....just the body responding. The doctor would check her and tell us "Her breathing has stopped, but her heart is still going." And we would wait..... She was checked again and the heart was still beating although slow and weak. The doctor decided more meds were needed. As she was checked one last time....the reply to us was "Ok...it's stopped." And the final nod was given from her to us. Such a final thing......
We were told that the body could be prepared to take home out of our room or that it could be done in the room with us. I chose to have it done in our room with us. She wasn't quite sure I knew what I was deciding, but I did. I wanted to be a part of it all. No matter how hard it would be......
And so it was that we brought our sweet Jenna back home to be placed in her pen where her and Lacie had spent so many days together. David had mentioned did I want a special song played while we buried her. That's when I got the wonderful idea to get my phone and play Pandora on it. It was such a God thing too! For it could not have been a better song! Chris August sings a song called "Center of It" and he would sing
"In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall
You'll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it."
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall
You'll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it."
And as David and I both would bury our Jenna we knew that he was there in the center of it all ....in the dark, in the light, in the morning and night, in the good, in the hurt. And this my friend is where the hope comes into view in my story. For through all the waiting, the pain, the tears, the un-knowing, the decisions, even through one child separating herself from us.....it ALL was in the hands of a loving Father. A Father who felt our grief, shared our tears, eased the suffering, gave strength, led us in our decisions, and was our sincere peace in the time of need.
In Psalm 34:18 it shares that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." In Hebrews 13:5 it encourages us to know that "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." In 2 Timothy 4:17 it strengthens us to know that "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength...."
Friend, know that God is there with YOU also in your time of making painful decisions, facing the un-known, feeling your pain, waiting with you, understanding you, and helping you through it all . It's his promise to us as his children. Trust him today. Rely on him today. Wait on him today. And rest in him today.
I share with you the beautiful grave my sweet husband worked so hard on. He gave it his all. We do hope to get a name plate placed on it as well.
And then....there was Lacie.
She receives more attention and love than ever before! Gotta love her.
I leave with you a special verse that has great meaning to me.
Psalm 13:6 "I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." Couldn't say it any better if I tried. :)
And one last beautiful picture......
We love you Jenna......
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