"A Day of Extreme Pain....A Day of Blessings....."

It all began yesterday morning, shortly after 8am...... I received a call from Heather (my daughter) and before I had even answered "Hello" she was screaming and crying on the other end. 

It didn't really alarm me because I'm used to dealing with instances like this with Heather. It did however alarm me as time went on and I could NOT make out any of her words. She was trying to talk, but it would only come out in high pitched shrieks and non- comprehendible language. As time went on, I thought she had said something like "David just jumped off a really high bridge....!!!!" I thought David (her boyfriend) possibly had tried to commit suicide in front of her. She was THAT upset!! I didn't know what to think at this point. I just kept trying my best to get her to calm down enough so that I could understand SOMETHING she said. I finally was able to make something out about Shiner (her dog) jumping out a window and being dead. I repeated it back and she is shrieking all over again..... 
I just kept trying and trying to figure something ....anything out. She got across to me that she was on West Lake Houston Pkwy and finally was able to understand where. It was right across from our church. I asked her if we came would she still be there? I couldn't understand her again because of crying and she finally just hung up on me. 

Meanwhile..... 
I went and woke up David (my husband) telling him Heather was hysterical and we needed to try and figure out how to help her. He groggily got up because he had taken Benadryl the night before. We set out driving, even though not sure WHERE we were going. That's when she called me again and was finally speaking understandable words. She was now at an Animal Hospital which was very close to the accident. She made sure we were coming and hung up. We found her car parked in an alley way with flashers still flashing.....and our poor daughter sitting on a bench inside....crying. 

As we sat down with her, she began to try and talk through her crying. She shared that she was driving down the road and had a window only slightly opened. Shiner is a good sized medium dog....still trying to figure out HOW he ever got through the opening so quickly. While enroute, he jumped out....but possibly got hung up on his leash still attached and went straight down (as best we can figure out)....causing him to be ran over. Heather said she didn't know what to do....put the brake on, go forward, go backward! She jumps out of her car, running into traffic, and comes to find her poor dog flopping and flailing around. She said he was trying to get up, but blood was gushing from his mouth. 

That's when her angel showed up....... 
A man in a work truck who worked for the electric company was following her. As soon as it happened, he immediately came to a stop behind her. He jumped out and ran to her and told her very abruptly "Get back in your car and call your Mom. Just get back in your car and call your Mom now!" ----- my own Mother would later ask me "How did that man know to tell her to do that? Call your Mom and not your husband or boyfriend or such?" I told her because we believe it was an angel sent from God and he knew Mom was the very best to call....in ALL situations. He then took out cones and put it around Shiner so no one would hit him and he covered the dog with his own jacket. At the next point, she says 4 doctors showed up somehow (from the animal hospital). It was quite unclear how they were notified so quickly and the scene wasn't in their view. Again.....God sent. They were taking care of the dog (hand carried him back to the hospital along with man who stopped behind her helping too). One doctor stayed with Heather and even drove her car,with her in it, to the animal hospital. They made sure she stayed in her car to catch her breath and brought her out a Dr Pepper. The man who stopped behind her (the angel) came back to be with her after the doctor left her. He made sure she was going to be alright....that her parents were on their way....and that she was following directions correctly. She got out of her car and took other dog inside with her. The nurses were VERY sympathetic to her. 

This is where we come in..... 
I had assumed that since we were at the Animal Hospital then Shiner must still be alive and they were working on him when we arrived. But as she told us her story she said "And Mom...he's deeeead." Then it all clicked in. She had been told that she could go back and see Shiner one last time if she wanted. She waited on us to get there. I went back with her, but before we did, the nurse warned us that the dog would not look the same as before. Who KNEW what we were about to see?? We went back and there was a covered body laying on a table. It felt like we were going to identify a body or something kind of eery like. They pulled back the towel and there he was. It wasn't anything really gory or overwhelmingly awful. Simply he was asleep with blood from his mouth still dripping and blood from his ears. I asked how he died. She said quietly....It was a head trauma accident. Massive injury to the brain. She was very respectful of Heather and stood quietly by as Heather cried and mourned the loss of her sweet dog. She petted him and stroked him. Saying this isn't real. She finally knew she couldn't take anymore and had to leave. The nurse asked me what we wanted to do. There was a standard burial at no fee and an ashes one with a fee. I told her it was up to Heather. Heather chose the standard burial. Once again they were very considerate and kind. Another big blessing.....there was NO fee whatsoever for all they had done to go out of their way to help her!! We were thankful. 

David drove her car, with her other dog in it, to her apartment......while I drove my Jeep, with Heather in it, to her apartment. Neither David or I had been to Heather's apartment. But I knew once we got her there that we needed to go in and be with her. So we did. We let her talk and cry and talk...... I then got her involved in getting her mind off of the situation by telling her we would play her some video games. That's one of David's (boyfriend) favorite thing to do and hers to. So we went with that for awhile. She did well and even made mention at one point of feeling guilty for feeling possibly happy. I assured it that it was not wrong. As time went on, I was concerned about my David (not to confuse you with her David). He hadn't eaten and had a lot on his mind dealing with other matters .....but he was doing well in the situation. She assured us she would be alright. And we decided to leave. 

Once home.....I started receiving texts of her feeling so bad and hurt. She was even throwing up at this point and said she couldn't stop. The memory of it all just kept replaying. She asked me when it would stop and would the hole fill itself? I told her when she fills it with God then He would fill it in his timing. And that the memory would be there, but that didn't mean God wasn't helping her through it. I assured her that each time she had the memory - to give it to God and look to him and trust in him to help her through it. I also told her to get our christian radio station playing on her radio.....to which she said "Mom, they just keep playing sad songs." I told her "KEEP listening.....listen to the words and not the melodies." I told her to read Psalm as well. Later.....I called her and she told me that she was upset so she called each her brother and her sister while they were at work....telling them about it.

Well.....
She had Savannah crying at work now and her brother concerned for her. I was proud of Savannah though....she came through. She asked Heather "Have you had anything to eat?" Heather said "no" Savannah then said "I'm picking us up some sandwiches and bringing them to your apartment." As soon as Heather hung up, there was a knock on her door. It was Taylor (Savannah's husband) standing there holding a Sprite and giving it to Heather. Perhaps Savannah had quickly told Taylor about Heather throwing up a lot and he headed over right away (they live across the street from each other). He came inside and sat down and talked with her for awhile. 

All in all......
I know this was a very DIFFICULT experience for my child.....but I also know God was there to protect her, help her, and even bless her through the ones that he chose to surround her with help. He is good.....always he is good. And as my Mother In Law reminded me - God always brings good from that which was hard or bad. He brings beauty from the ashes.....how very well I know this to be true! Romans 8:28 "And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

As I try to point out to my child....look for the blessings of how God provided and protected - even in the worst of circumstances. So I also encourage you, my friend, ...... look for the blessings of how God is providing, protecting, and taking care of you....even in the worst of your circumstances. Be blessed......

"Slam the Door....HARD!"

What DO you do when the past comes knocking?

Do you answer it curiously? Do you resolve that THIS time you can handle it, and answer it knowing your strength will see you through? Do you answer it hoping no one else will know?

 -OR-

Do you slam the door shut, knowing NO good will come of it whatsoever?

I want to share something very personal with you regarding myself. Why? you may ask. Because in ALL things and through ALL things...I want God to be glorified and lifted up! And....because I want to encourage YOU to know that you're not alone in your struggles. There is HOPE !

This past weekend a voice from the past came calling. No, it wasn't a voice inside my own head, but rather a real voice. A voice I had NO desire whatsoever to associate with. And to let you know - I absolutely, positively chose the option mentioned above of slamming the door SHUT knowing NO good would come of it whatsoever! But, after I did.....fear began to creep in. Fear of things from the past that had been overcome through God's grace and healing, somehow resurfacing again. Fear of why was this voice even contacting me. Basically....fear of fear. As my heart was racing and I nervously prayed, God began to calm me. I read my Bible, and prayed, and wrote out memory verses, and wrote out God's promises, for the next two hours until my husband got home. I can testify to you that God was my anchor to hold onto during that time. He held me in his hands.

Upon my husband arriving home, I began to nervously unfold the evening to him, really not being sure of how he would react. Have I told you that the very character of God Himself has been placed inside my loving and dear husband? This beautiful gift, of someone more than a husband, is beyond describing what a true blessing he is to me. God knew in the beginning, before time ever started, who this girl would need in her life.....thank you God, with the most sincerest thanks. My husband not only listened to me pour my heart out, but also lovingly reassured me each step of the way<<<just as God did/would. He then prayed out loud for me. I did ask him if he would and he very willingly agreed. That is such a strength and one of the truest blessings to hear your spouse pray out loud for you. I encourage you to do it!! One of the things David prayed was that I would view God as the Father that He is - protecting his children, not letting anything happen that was not allowed for our own good. (A sidenote here: the next day at church, we sat behind a family. I watched the dad with his young daughter of about 7 or 8. He always kept his arm around her while standing or sitting. It was a beautiful picture of what our Lord does for us. Except I believe He holds us in his strong arms and carries us closest to his heart. But He never, ever lets go.)

To keep it clear and focused here - - God and God alone is the One to bring me through any of life's hurts, fears, shames, regrets, pain. He needs no help at all. My total dependence IS on the Savior of not only my salvation, but also my Savior Who lifts me from my problems of everyday life. God's beautiful grace is sufficent for me. I thank Him with a full heart for being enough for all my life's needs. 

And I know that He has also given me a help mate to walk with me through this life. To encourage me, to calm me, to hold me, to love me just as I am. Again....the very character of God. 

I don't want any confusion of someone thinking I esteem David as the one to get me through everything. 

I want to bring God's Words into this Blog. For my words can be taken as "O that's great and nice for her - - but what about me?"  So, it is for all those "me's" I share the following verses. May it bring God's encouragement and strength to your heart.

Psalm 55: 16-18 "But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battles waged against me, even though many oppose me."

Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from ALL my fears."

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."

Psalm 31:1 In you O Lord have I taken refuge; let me never be put to shame, deliver me in your righteousness."

Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?"

Psalm 31: 14-15 "But I trust in you, O Lord; I say You are my God. My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those that pursue me."

Psalm 32:7 "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

These are some of the verses I have been committing to memory and using them. I strongly encourage to memorize verses if you are not. It helps in such enormous ways! In fact it is essential in two parts of wearing the full "armor of God"......the "shield of faith" and the "sword of the Spirit". Try it!! You will be glad you did!

Some others - -

Romans 8:15 "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by who we cry Abba! Father!"

Mark 5:36 "Don't be afraid - just believe."

Romans 8:37 "We are conquerors through him who loves us!"

Jeremiah 30:17 "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 30: 10-11 I inserted my name and you can do the same - "Debby will again have peace and security and no one will make her afraid. I am with you and will save you declares the Lord."

Exodus 14: 13 "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. Verse 14 - "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Lamentations 3:22 "Because of the Lord's great love we are NOT consumed, for his compassions never fail." 

Isaiah 41: 10 My most favorite verse in the Bible - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Before I end up quoting the entire Bible to you....I will stop for now. God's Words are just SO powerful and SO full of HOPE !! They are what we base our everything on.....hope, peace, joy, comfort, faith, trust, victory, freedom, ....... and the list goes on.......

And not only has God given us his Words through the Bible, but also through song! Friend, I also strongly encourage you to listen to christian music. . . for it uplifts the soul in so many wonderful and God honoring ways!! It truly has been such a source of encouragement and strength for me in my life.....and to think there was a time I had NO desire to listen to it at all. Thank you God for bringing me thus far.

I know my Blogs get long-winded....but please allow me to share through song also. . . 

Darlene Zschech with Israel Houghton : "In Jesus' Name"

"God is fighting for us. God is on our side. He has overcome. We will not be shaken. We will not be moved. Jesus, you are here - carrying our burdens, covering our shame. The resurrection power of Christ is alive in me and I am free! In Jesus name I will live, I will not die. I will declare and lift you on high. Christ revealed and I am healed. In Jesus name God is fighting for us. Pushing back the darkness. Lighting up the kingdom that cannot be shaken. In the name of Jesus enemy's defeated and we will shout it out."

A song I've never heard until this past Sunday sung by a person I've never heard as well. But, it spoke volumes of God fighting for us - not being shaken - he carries our burdens - covers our shame - and HIS power is alive in me!!

Forever Jones - "Hold Me Still"

"You said don't worry bout your future daughter. Just think about the things that matter. So I won't magnify the small things anymore. I'll only glorify the Father. Cause you hold me still. When the waves around me began to build, I'm in your hand. Though it's sometimes hard to stand. You have made my heart and you hold it still. So, don't involve yourself with useless chatter, just talk about the things that matter. And when you feel the world around you shatter, just lift your eyes up to the Father and he'll hold you still. Oh, I see the waves - I'm not afraid. I see the storm - I'm not shaken. I feel the world quake - my ground is stable."

Another song of strength, through the Father, when fears, doubts, worries try to come. He holds us still. No matter what - trust his strong arms around you, child of God.

A very favorite artist of mine - Mandisa: "Overcomer"

"Whatever it is you may be going through, I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you. You're not going under, cause God is holding you right now. God is the overcomer in you. <Yes I changed up the words a tad because I'm NOT the overcomer, but rather HE is the overcomer in me!> Just take a breath, don't forget to hang on to his promises. The One who overcomes death is living inside you. Fix your eyes on the One who holds your life. For there's nothing he can't do."

God overcomes in us what we cannot do for ourselves!! Thank ya Jesus!!! Nothing consumes and nothing overwhelms....because we hold onto his promises.

Just one more song!!!!!

Chris Tomlin - also a favorite - "Our God!"

"Into the darkness you shine - out of the ashes we rise. Our God is greater, Our God is stronger, He is higher than any other. Our God is Healer and awesome in power. And if our God is for us then WHO could ever stop us? And if our God is with us then WHAT can stand against us?" My answer-- NOTHING!

Nothing formed against us shall stand......period. For God IS stronger, greater,  and higher than any other!! 

Friend, as I said, I know my Blogs are long, but there is just SO much of God's goodness to share with you!! I could keep listing song after song as well as verse after verse!! And along with Chris August, I will sing to you - -  "I will sing about your love, I will shout it to the sky. I will tell of what you've done, when the people ask me why I live my life this way - I'll say that I am unashamed of You!! For what your grace did and what your grace does!!"

And THAT, my friend, is why I share.........

"How DO You Say Good-bye?"

As I thought about this Blog I realized there could be multiple titles regarding it...."When Is It Time To Say Good-Bye?" "Saying Good-byes Are Never Easy" "Good-byes Can Hurt!" and the list goes on....

But before you close this Blog and say "this is just going to be a sad, sad story and I don't need sadness in my life today." give it a chance. For there may be hope in it as well. :)

This past Friday, August 2, my husband and I had to make a very hard decision. It seemingly had come time to put our sweet and oldest dog to sleep. That decision is never easy. There was not only concern for our dog, Jenna, and the pain she was so sweetly and pathetically suffering through, but also for our "children". Our concerns were brought to God with much prayer.

As I titled this Blog, I knew this picture would go perfectly with it. For in this picture it reveals one very broken-hearted girl grieving at the up and coming loss of her faithful and beloved pet.  

From this picture, I believe it symbolizes that even animals can feel our sorrow. Although, yes our other dog, Lacie, loves to be petted....it's as if she feels Heather's sadness as well.

How DO  you say Good-Bye?

I believe people have many ways. Some choose to avoid the situation and remember the loved one in the happier times and some choose to be there by their side through it all. Each is good and well and that person should be left knowing they have made the right choice. Let me say here....I fully know that the passing of a pet holds very little measure to the passing of a loved person, but each is sentimental and emotionally ..... well..... tough. I will also insert here that I never knew just how tough it was until I was placed in that situation myself. For all readers, that have been faced with this dilemma, or even your pets passing on their own....my heart goes out to you.  In all my years, I have never been faced with death in such a real manner.

Over 13 years ago, in January of 2000, Jenna came into our lives. She would be 14 years old this Decemeber...or 98 freakin years in human terms! Our kids wanted a pet and Heather's friend had a neighbor that just happened to be selling Golden Retriever puppies....thus began the days of Jenna. She was the perfect puppy - cute, cuddly, O-so-sweet, and beautiful too....of course! I remember that we had to keep her in the front yard for what seemed forever. We had a stray dog come into our yard before the "days of Jenna" and we attempted to keep it. Turns out....puppy dog came with the dreaded PARVO sickness and we had puppy put to sleep. We didn't stay for that one...no attachments made. So, as you know....when Parvo is involved it contaminates ANYWHERE the dog may have been....which happened to be.....yes....our backyard. It was a matter of months before it was safe to put Jenna back there. We must have kept her in the garage at night and tied her to a lawn chair, in the grass, by day to provide some shade. Below is a first picture we took of her at age 3 months. We had traveled with her to visit my parents in Dallas. She was A D O R A B LE!

Jenna was always a wonderful dog and you really could not ask for any better. She was tender and sweet, caring and loving, patient and tolerant. She loved people, as often G.R.'s do and it was always evident in her gentle wag. On a sad thought....that tail had lost it's wag and excitement in these last months. She was always a model patient at the vet's office and no matter the procedure she would simply tolerate it with her gentleness.

Jenna, not quite 3 years old, and my Levi, 6 years old.

September 29, 2002

Jenna, 5 years old, and my Levi, 8 years old.

July 13, 2004

I love this picture!

 We had forgotten just how dark and beautiful she was until looking back at this.

The day had came that we decided Jenna "needed" a playmate in her world. That word "needed" is used more of an overstatement on her part. We were the ones "needing" a playmate for Jenna so as to not feel badly for our lack of playing with her ourselves. Sorry Jenna girl.



And so enters Jenna's world...and ours....Lacie-Loo.

July 13, 2004

David and I had been to Petco recently and as always I loved to look at all the animals there on adoption day. There was a gorgeous black Lab there named Charlie. I kept being drawn back to him over and over. David really liked him alot too. But as always and in most things in life, my wise David said "If he's there when we come back...we'll know he was ours to get." As you can see....he wasn't there....sadly. It was just me and the kids that day, when I went back, and somehow they convinced Mom that we couldn't let this sweet little dog NOT go home with us! I am a softie...at times. Surprise, Jenna!! :)

We thought Lacie was going to be a relatively small dog with short hair. BOY was we ever wrong! She got fatter and fatter and her hair grew thicker and THICKER. She became a lion - - or maybe just the Chow in her was awakening! Lacie was obviously a very abused dog as a small puppy....she had many fears. But her fur was/is ridiculous! We were told when she was found that she was completely bald all over. Whomever took her in must have confused her for a duck with fur. They not only replaced all her missing fur with a new coat, but they also put duck down in it too! That dog is the hardest to get wet and stay wet!! Never seen anything like it before!! Lacie loved Jenna from the start and was never without her for any large amount of time. Jenna, on the other hand, tolerated Lacie as any good natured dog would.

July 13, 2004

Somewhere along the way they became...Lacie-Loo and Jenna-Too.

Big smiles!! :))



Our shaved lion-dog.

And then one day.....Jenna got old.

And older......

Lacie just kept growing more fur........

and older still.

We would begin giving her Glucosamine pills along with aspirin each day. Without them she would have days where she could not get up at all. Her hips were wearing out on her. In time, she was also diagnosed with Cancer in one of her back legs. She would loose 17 1/2 pounds in this last year. She also began to get enormous fatty tumors throughout different parts of her body. They were hideous looking they were so big! Her eyes had cataracts and her ears and hearing were questionable. The old gal was simply withering away, but she always had love and gentleness for us no matter how much pain she was in. 

It appears she is still trying to give us a smile here.

These last two pictures was a day we thought she was going to leave us.

But amazingly...she would bounce back and once again go on living.

I know....you're probably wondering where is the hope I spoke of earlier in this story?? Just stay with me a little bit longer.

Down the road in time, I noticed that she was coming out of her pen looking stiffer than usual. I watched her, wondering does this mean the pills are no longer helping? And then this past Thursday, she began swaying and falling alot more than usual. She seemed to not want to put weight on her front left leg. Wonderful...now the poor dog has only 1 good working leg. David and I gave her a bath that day. She was laying fully spread out, on her right side, on the concrete. Pretty pathetic looking too. We tried to get her up and to change sides....wasn't happening. So, David rolled her gently from the right side to the left side. I felt like I saw something pop when he did. That night her walk was not good at all. When looking at her left leg it was as if her shoulder had sunk in and was gone. We thought it must be out of place and dislocated....possibly from David rolling her over. At that time, we knew we had to make the decision to go to the Vet and have her put to sleep. But we would wait until morning to do so. Now was the decision of whether to call our kids home and have them upset all night long. After praying together, we chose to wait til morning.

Friday morning, August 2, came and this is how she ate her breakfast. Never before had she had to eat like in this position.

As pathetic as she was....she still found one last smile for us. :)

And then....it was time to tell our kids.

That, in and of itself, was very hard. They knew she was old....they knew she wouldn't live forever. But, they had no clue it would be today. Heather came over first. She was here while David made the call to the Vet. She wanted to go with us, but this would not be. For the Vet would tell us the only appt available wouldn't be until 4:15 that day. Wow..... do they have any clue what it's like to know you're putting your beloved pet to sleep that day and being told to wait that long is like?? And as well the fact of poor Jenna in being such pain and discomfort?? But God knew. And so we waited. God was good to us all in our time of waiting....for Jenna, although in considerable pain most likely, was able to get up and walk on her own at times, as well as rest, and wait with us all. I had called Savannah and told her, but she chose to not come over for fear of not wanting to see her in her present condition. I assured her that was fine. She would however call me later telling me through alot of tears that she couldn't stay at work and had to come home. She didn't know we hadn't put Jenna to sleep yet and so I told her to come over and that it would be fine. She too would come and share her heart wrenching pain with Jenna. She did it alone. Only Jenna and her. And then....she was gone. That hurt, but it was the way she wanted it, and I gave it to her. Next, would be our son, Levi, who would show up around about the time David and I were leaving for lunch. And now I have a third child to "help" ease through this transition. <Deep breath>.....but alas this child was not as nearly upset as his two sisters were. He appeared to be more distracted by his car that we have been having so much trouble with lately. I knew then that he would be ok and we left for lunch. He would tell me later that he had went and spent a few quiet moments with Jenna before he left for work. That was good.

Once we returned from lunch and shopping (to distract us and make time go faster)....David began to dig the grave. Jenna would walk up and watch him. David would then say "Jenna, I hope you don't know what I'm doing." How sad it was to see that happen. He dug a very nice grave and it was no simple hole dug in the ground, but rather a very squared hole just about 4 feet down. He placed her bed in the bottom of it. He worked so very hard on it....so hard that he may have come very close to heat exhaustion! He couldn't catch his breath, he was sweating bucket loads, and his face was O so red. Thankfully, God took care of him!

While David dug....I laid in the grass with the dogs and took pictures......

Our two old ladies.....forever together.

Lacie is also a crippled dog. She has torn an ACL something or other, in one back leg, and a genetic defect, in both back legs, that has only worsened with time due to her age and her weight. She has been dealing with excessive hot spots all over her body and allergies. <Shaking my head> poor old dogs.

And finally.....it was time.

We loaded Jenna up in my Jeep. As we did, I heard Lacie let out a cry. David and I wondered if she knew that would be the last time she would see her faithful friend. David carried Jenna in his arms into the Vet's office and carried her once again to the room. Jenna was fragile, big, and awkward, but he did it with love for her.

Waiting for the doctor.

We asked the doctor if we possibly had caused this most previous situation with Jenna by rolling her over on the concrete. She assured us that had it been the reason, we could have never done that to a healthy dog....therefore saying Jenna was very fragile and it wasn't us to feel badly over. She never questioned us on our decision and agreed that it was time. The doctor explained that the most pain she would feel was a simple prick of the needle. This would be a shot to relax her, calm her....two things she basically always has been. It was her "I don't care" shot and "I'm going to sleep now." That's exactly what she did....little by little she would relax and drift farther into sleep.

Goodnight, sweet girl......

 I cried silent tears stroking her head.

David and the doctor then picked her up from the ground and placed her on the counter. The next process would begin. She shaved  a place on her leg for an IV to go into. It was then explained that this would make her heart stop beating. As the IV meds went in, I once again was stroking her head, tears dripping slowly down my face, and I told her what a good girl she was. The doctor would wait......giving the meds time to work. Jenna's body ever so slightly jolted, but I don't believe it was from any pain....just the body responding. The doctor would check her and tell us "Her breathing has stopped, but her heart is still going." And we would wait..... She was checked again and the heart was still beating although slow and weak. The doctor decided more meds were needed. As she was checked one last time....the reply to us was "Ok...it's stopped." And the final nod was given from her to us. Such a final thing......

We were told that the body could be prepared to take home out of our room or that it could be done in the room with us. I chose to have it done in our room with us. She wasn't quite sure I knew what I was deciding, but I did. I wanted to be a part of it all. No matter how hard it would be......

And so it was that we brought our sweet Jenna back home to be placed in her pen where her and Lacie had spent so many days together. David had mentioned did I want a special song played while we buried her. That's when I got the wonderful idea to get my phone and play Pandora on it. It was such a God thing too! For it could not have been a better song! Chris August sings a song called "Center of It" and he would sing

"In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall
You'll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it."

And as David and I both would bury our Jenna we knew that he was there in the center of it all ....in the dark, in the light, in the morning and night, in the good, in the hurt. And this my friend is where the hope comes into view in my story. For through all the waiting, the pain, the tears, the un-knowing, the decisions, even through one child separating herself from us.....it ALL was in the hands of a loving Father. A Father who felt our grief, shared our tears, eased the suffering, gave strength, led us in our decisions, and was our sincere peace in the time of need.

 In Psalm 34:18 it shares that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." In Hebrews 13:5 it encourages us to know that "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." In 2 Timothy 4:17 it strengthens us to know that "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength...."

Friend, know that God is there with YOU also in your time of making painful decisions, facing the un-known, feeling your pain, waiting with you, understanding you, and helping you through it all . It's his promise to us as his children. Trust him today. Rely on him today. Wait on him today. And rest in him today.

I share with you the beautiful grave my sweet husband worked so hard on. He gave it his all. We do hope to get a name plate placed on it as well.

And then....there was Lacie.

She receives more attention and love than ever before! Gotta love her.



I leave with you a special verse that has great meaning to me.

Psalm 13:6 "I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." Couldn't say it any better if I tried. :)

And one last beautiful picture......

We love you Jenna......

"Hey Did You Know?!"

Hey did you know that God is a God who sympathizes and identifies with our weaknesses and suffering? In Hebrews 4:15 it lets us know that. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin."

God really made this verse stand out to me yesterday as our pastor shared the real meaning of what it's saying. I am no pastor, but I will try to put into words what I learned through this message. . .

When we hear this verse it can almost seem cold in a way. . . as if God is seated on his mighty throne in Heaven looking down us with our pain, sickness, struggles and says "You poor thing. I see you from way up here and you look miserable. That's a pity. Not sure what it's like, but I will say a prayer for you."
But that's not it at all!

God came to earth as Jesus himself and has lived YOUR life. Some may say well he's never been married to my spouse or had my children to deal with. . . and this list could go on. And although those could be true statements, that hasn't stopped him from having every single feeling you have, every single thought you have, every single challenge, every struggle, every fear, every doubt, and even faced the same temptations you have. He lived through it ALL as a human here on earth.  He knows. He is not some distant God who is unable to identify with all that we have ever been through and will go through. Let me say it again. . .He has lived YOUR life.

God not only knows, but he even gets in our weakness with us when we are experiencing the pain, suffering and struggles of it! He feels it with us and doesn't just leave us on our own to figure it all out! How amazing is it that we know he doesn't just know. . . but he feels it along with us?! He feels sadness, pain, fear, lonliness, rejection, worry right along with us.

The second part of the verse "but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are, yet was without sin." lets us know this >> God has lived our life and he aced it! When he walked here on earth and was faced with all matters of fears, doubts, worry, struggles, challenges - he made the right decisions. He made the right choice, took the right path, chose the way that led to righteous living, freedom. And as the verse said he was without sin - he led a sinless life.

So in understanding all of this we see that: 1. God sees our struggles. 2. God came to earth and lived your/my life....feeling every pain, sorrow, doubt, fear, worry. 3. God gets in our struggles with us NOW. 4. In living and knowing, all the while living a sinless life,  he is able to navigate us through them and out of them!

God gets you and me, my friend. He understands. He isn't someone removed from knowing all the pains and struggles of our life here on earth. Trust him to navigate you daily through this journey of life. Draw near to him. If it has been awhile since you have, it's never too late to do so. If you have made wrong choices in life, God was/is with you in those times and he can and will lead you out of them. No life is ever too wrong, too distant, too messed up to turn to God and tell him "I messed up. I need your help."

O and an add on here: God not only shares and feels our pains and weaknesses, but he also shares and feels our JOY, our VICTORY, our HAPPINESS, our FREEDOM right along with us as well!! So rejoice in and with him today!

Thank him for not only knowing, but leading us through too!! :)