The other day I was talking with a friend about her young son. He is six years old and had been talking alot about baptism. My friend, of course, had some concern about his age and wanted God to give her the wisdom to help him understand all that he could about believing in Jesus as his Savior. As I shared with her regarding my own children as well as myself, it began to feel as though God wanted me to share more openly to others my own testimony.
So here goes. . .
I was 5 years old. I was attending a private christian kindergarten as well as living in a godly christian home. I was very well rounded in learning about Jesus and all that He had done for me. It was very natural that I come to the knowledge that I was a sinner and I needed God to save me from that sin. I remember laying in bed one night and asking my Mother questions. God has given me truly a very godly Mother who has ALWAYS been such a presence in so many ways in my life.....I am blessed. She talked with me and I told her I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. I prayed and accepted Him with the child-like faith that God gave me. Not long after, I would be baptized in our church.
But the story goes on. . . .
Fast forward to the age of 18. I was attending a church camp as a "counselor" because at the time I was considered to old to be one of the campers. I wanted to go and this was a way to be able to fit me in. Some of my FB will remember this youth leader we had at the time. His name was Zane Edwards. I loved this leader and his family dearly!! While attending camp, I began to just feel so unsure of everything. . . church camps can make you do that. :) I was unsure if I truly was old enough to really accept all that Jesus had done for me to save me. Five years old IS a very young age to take it all in. I couldn't remember all the thoughts and feelings I had had at that time. Sooooo.....I began to talk with Bro Edwards. I was very nervous - I mean WHAT were people going to think?? Here I was 18 years old and supposed to have been saved since 5! (To those reading this....it NEVER matters what another may think!! What matters is your relationship with God....period.) He told me to go back to the bunks and read a chapter in John about Jesus and His sheep, and how that His sheep hear and know His voice. I read it....read it some more.....read it again. I just didn't seem to find the peace I was searching for regarding the passage. I decided this was the time I needed to go and talk to Bro Edwards once again. I did and I will tell you that I truly wanted to know for sure that I was saved. I prayed the prayer of salvation and would later testify of it during the camp chapel time as well as back at my home church. I also would, once again, be baptized.
But wait. . . the story doesn't stop there!
Fast forward to the age of 27 now. I am grown, married, and have 2 children of my own. While attending this church, I went through some classes on sharing your faith with others....it was called EE (Evangelism Explosion). Once again I am dealing with thoughts, concerns, DOUBTS of my salvation. I talk with one of the counselors there who welcomes in new members and tell her I just really want to nail down this matter of salvation. Long story short - - I once again pray, in my home, the prayer of salvation and once again I am baptized! I will tell you that all 3 of the experiences did not take place in the same church. That could have been a very interesting concept had they all taken place in one! Haha!
I will also tell you right here and now. . . I am a FIRM believer in once saved ALWAYS saved! No questions about it. I do truly believe that each of these experiences God was working in me as well though. I don't claim to know exactly the "why's" of what I have went through or experienced. I only know that God is sovereignly in control of my life and He has walked me through each stage regardless.
In years since, there have been times of people being asked to give their testimony and I would think to myself HOW in the world could I give mine?!?! I mean who is gonna believe a story like mine where a girl asks Jesus into her heart 3 different times and gets baptized 3 different times?? (There again it does NOT matter what another thinks. It is my testimony and doesn't have to match anothers.) I would sometimes question God. . . "So God, when did I get truly saved?" As I did that, I began to just sense that all roads were leading waaaay back to that very tender age of 5.
You see, I truly believe that God asks us to receive what Jesus, His Son, did for each of us with a very child-like faith. As I shared with my friend the other day, children have no hang-ups that we adults have. They simply trust and accept, at face value, what Jesus did for them. . .nothing more, nothing less. In Mark 10:14-15, it says, "...Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I will tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." So, I have come to believe that God truly saved me at the age of 5. It matters not though what I think, what I know, what I did, when I did it. For it is God, His mercy, His desire, His choosing, His sacrifice, His will that I was saved. . . no matter the age. It is nothing about me and simply EVERYTHING about Him....and Him alone. He gave all. I don't have to muster up enough faith, belief, knowledge or anything!! He gave me simply. . . enough.
There may be someone out there who is reading this testimony who like me has struggled with doubts through the years. I pray and hope that as you are reading this that you see that you are alright.....you're ok....you're not some freak of nature that just can't get it right! :) I believe that God allows doubts in our life to make us stronger! I found a devotion in my Bible that says this: "If a man begin with certainities, he shall in end in doubts, but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end on certaintities." God understands our doubts, and He also knows how to see us through them to bring victory, peace, hope and faith.
So, that my friend, is my testimony shared with you! It may not look like yours, but that's alright, it doesn't have to. It's my walk with a God Who relates to me where I am in life and He loves me!! I pray that I am a light for Him and however He chooses to shine me is more than wonderful with me!
Do you have a testimony?
If you don't, I can share with you on how to have one!
A= Accept that you are a sinner in need of a Saviour!
B= Believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead!
C= Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and call upon Him to save YOU!
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