"And What Is It You May Ask That I Feel....??"

Although we have been here before......I can say both girls have moved out of our home now and we are down to just Levi!!! And what as, a mother, do I feel?? R E L I E F.

No more the task of raising a child from start to finish! No more the demands and expectations I place on myself to be the "right mother"! No more the constant questioning of WHAT are we supposed to be allowing and WHAT are we not supposed to be allowing!! No more the imaginings and questioning of where they are and what they are doing...and if they are telling the truth!! No more the wondering of how am I supposed to tell them this without sounding like a lecturer and then being met with "I'm NOT listening to you and it's going in one ear and out the other!" No more waking up to wonder will I see their car sitting outside....or not!! No more HOPING and expecting them to be in church....only to be met with an empty seat beside us!! No more messes in rooms and bathroom, dishes being undone, and eating in rooms! No more Tv's being left on unwatched and only on for noise! No more teenage drama that girls bring into your life!!

And why do I say all this??

Because I'm D O N E!!!
I can undoubtedly, completely and with full assurance say ...... these girls are in GOD'S HANDS and no longer mine!!! Yes, they ALWAYS have been in HIS hands.....but none moreso in my mind than they are as of now. And what does that bring>>>>> relief. Relief to know....God is bigger. God is in full control. God is the authority in their life. God has a will, and a plan.....and it WILL be done. Regardless of their actions or lack of....HIS will will be carried out. NOTHING will stop it!! And I wouldn't want it any other way.

One day, my friend, you too will have to let go and let God. Maybe it will be so with your own child(ren), or maybe it will be with fears, doubts and worries concerning your own life OR those you love. Regardless the circumstances, we all come to a place in our lives where we just need to stop.....let go.....and know God is on your side and will carry you through this.

You may say - Wow that was some really negative thoughts up there about your daughters! You may think that....you have that choice. But, on the flip side of the coin, it's really just a Mother bearing her honest heart with you to give you HOPE. Hope in realizing all that a Mother feels and goes through in raising a child and realizing in the end......God is all that matters.......God and God alone. He will take care of them. He will do His work in them. And regardless if I have been the role model Mother....or not.....His master plan will unfold in the time that is needed. And all will be right.

What my two daughters DO have is: my constant love, my constant prayers and my constant encouragement (all of these accepted or not).

The other day, in complete sadness, I questioned the very reason of WHY did God make me a Mother and was it not only but to hurt me. In thinking more clearly, I realize, that yes children DO hurt you, they discourage you, they anger you, they disappoint you. But, they also bring you a greater blessing that you would have never known had not God given you the gift of their life. Sometimes....you just have to look a little HARDER, and search a little LONGER.....but it's there!

Thank you God for my two daughters. It's been fun, it's been sad, it's been HARD, it's been crazy, it's been silly, it's been sweet, it's been heartbreaking, it's been emotional....it's been a journey. Have fun raising them the rest of the way.....you're definitely in for an ADVENTURE!! : )



Heather Marie and Savannah Ann





"If You Had the Chance.....Would You??"

Often I wonder. . . why do people choose to wait until someone has passed from this life to the next before they will bring about all the good things they wanted to say regarding them? Why not, while still given the opportunity, tell them what they mean to you, how their life has impacted yours? Wouldn't it be something really great if we could attend our own funerals and HEAR all the wonderful words people share about us that they never told us while we were still living?! Maybe that sounds weird....or prideful. Weird is fine....prideful, I do not wish to convey.

One thing I do know and it is this. . . each of our days here on this earth are numbered by our God who knows them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow! So why not take the opportunity, while you still can, and share with your loved ones and friends just what they have meant to you??

As many of you know, I have an Aunt who has just recently been diagnosed with Cancer. I have had the blessing to visit with her and talk about this one on one with her. She is truly at peace with the outcome. She knows that God will heal her here on earth or he will heal her in Heaven. She is a true example of God's grace being given .....not too soon and not too late.....but just at the right time.

So with her on my mind and in my prayers, I feel God has led me to write this Blog in honor of her and what she means to me. . . .

Aunt Sandra, I will start this off by telling you what you already know - - I love you.

From the earliest memories you were the other half of my Mother. Even as a small child I can vaguely remember sometimes being confused at first glance which of you was my real Mother! You told me recently that you are and have been my second Mother and rightly so you have. My Mother and you share a bond closer than just sisters and that is to be treasured. It is something I've never had, but someday will maybe get to have when I meet my sister in Heaven! (By the way, Dan, you KNOW I love you if you're reading this!)

When I think back in time I can remember things like these:

- Waffles!!
I LOVED your waffles and there has NEVER been anyone anywhere that can even can compare to your waffles!! Saturday mornings were such a treat when we got to go to your house for breakfast! And an even bigger treat was when you would cook them for dinners too!! :)

- Spending the night at your house.
I'm sure I probably have spent many nights at your house throughout my growing up years. I can remember one such night when I was sleeping with you (Uncle Bob worked nights) and all of the sudden we heard a noise! You got up cautiously and I ducked right under the covers! As it turns out, Uncle had come home during the night unexpectedly. Whew that was scary!

- Taking walks around the neighborhood and adjoining ones.
I have always loved to walk and we had some really great walks! It was a time to share and a time of just enjoying each other. I don't remember the topics of conversation, but I'm sure we talked about everything!

- Swimming.
I can go waaaay back and remember when you and my Mother took upon yourselves to conquer my fear of water! It was at Burger Lake in Ft Worth. I had to be pretty SMALL. You both took me way out to the middle of the lake and would both say "Now...SWIM. C'mon I'm right here." I would swim from my Mother to you and back again. Only thing is - I caught on to yall's game! You kept backing up further and further apart!! Thanks for not letting me drown, Auntie! (I think.)
I remember going to your neighborhood pool, behind your house, on hot Summer days, and what FUN that was too!

- Movies and Six Flags!
As I write those two words, I have to laugh out loud! If there ever was going to be something that totally un-nerved me as a child it would be the fear of the UNKNOWN! I was and still am a person who likes to be prepared for whatever I'm about to do! And the movies and Six Flags were two places that could un-nerve me as odd as that sounds! Back in the day, we didn't have the computer to go read every detail about the movie we were about to go and see. Therefore, as a very sheltered child, I WANTED to know what was about to enter my world through the world of entertainment. I still laugh at the memory of going to see the movie "When Savannah Smiles" and repeatedly asking you "What is going to be in this movie? What's it about? What are they going to say? Will I like it?"  Haha! I can hear you now saying "DEBORAH, would you just sit back and relax?! you are going to be just fine!" ........ and I was. :)
Six Flags was the other thing that terrified me immensely!! I can remember you and Uncle Bob taking me there to have a FUN time and all I could think about was ....what is this ride? what does it do? am I going to like it? If I couldn't see a full ride it was most likely a NO-GO! I do think you two may have "coaxed' me onto some though. :)

- Going to meet you at the mall with my Mother.
I can remember Saturday mornings when my Mother would wake me up and say I'm leaving in 10 mins to meet Sandra. Get up and get dressed if you want to go. Umm....THANKS Mother for giving me so much time to get ready!! : ) We would either go to your house or meet you at the mall it seems. I can remember how it ALWAYS amazed you that I was never a person who would eat snacks...such as a cookie....nor would I drink drinks .... such as sodas....if it was in between meals. I can hear you say "Don't ya want just ONE cookie? How about a coke?" And I stuck to my guns too! :)

- O here's a good one - - DUSTING YOUR HOUSE!!
Does ANYONE really like to dust?? I think you thought I did! I can remember you sitting on the couch, while not being able to clean and saying "Hey! would you like to do something really neat?! How would you like to dust my house for me?!?!" And this dusting would include removing an entire unit of collectible golf balls on display as well as MULTIPLE knick knacks throughout to do this very job!! O the pure JOY.
(wink wink) Did you give me money for that?

- Visiting you in the hospital.
I can remember one such time when I was sitting with you. It was just me and you....don't know where the others were. You wanted to look at your cards you had received from various friends and family, so you asked me to bring them to you. As I gave them to you you began attempting to read them. Did I mention . . .you were still "slightly" drugged?! I'm laughing now as I write this!! As you began reading them out loud, your eyes would shut. You would open them and pathetically tell me "I can't see the words. I don't know what it says." You tried this a few times and always unsuccessful you would be. I found this to be very FUNNY! Oooops sorry Auntie! It made me laugh and I would tell you "You can't see the words because you keep shutting your eyes!!" Haha!  I then would lovingly take them and read them out loud to you. :)

These are just a few of the many memories I have made along the way sharing a lifetime with you!

Auntie, you have always been such a source of strength. Your life, as long as I can remember, has held alot of obstacles of health that you have patiently had to endure. Maybe there have been times of questioning God Himself as to why. Sometimes we may never know the answers to our whys, but yet we trust that EVERYTHING in this life God has allowed or given has been to mold us and make us into the very creation He desired us to be. He knows best how to use us. I'm sure your very life has touched MANY many souls throughout time! We thank God for allowing us to be a vessel for Him to use! I thank God that His grace, His love, His forgiveness, His strength has been made evident through YOU. :)

As I started this Blog out in the beginning. . . NONE of us is assured of tomorrow. We are all here for a very short time. So it is with that knowledge that I choose to tell you my dear, sweet Auntie. . . I love YOU dearly. I thank God for giving you to me as my second Mother and my own funny Auntie  - who has loved me in return with all the love in the world.

Maybe one day, should your time come before mine, I will look out my window and see a beautiful white bird soaring high and strong - knowing that it's a memory of you and the time I shared with you on this earth. :)

To all those who may be reading along - - why not take the time to reach out to someone you love and let them know what they mean to you today? I'm betting you will be glad you did! :)