"If you read no other story - please read this one. It comes straight from the heart"

First, let me say that this posting is a very real part of me being shared with you. It is seriously shared from my heart and I hope that you will receive it in the way God would want you to. I am a very honest, open and a real person to those I share with...not everyone can do that. I truly believe though that if I can share something in my life, no matter what, that I have experienced, then God can take it and reach whoever He chooses to bring hope, healing, encouragement, trust or whatever they may be searching for. That is exactly what I am praying this posting will do. I truly want Him to receive all glory, honor and praises and me to just be a vessel He can use to shine for Him.

Second, I want to shout "HOPE IS HERE!!" Jesus truly does save! There is freedom and EVERY debt has been paid - past, present and future! Jesus heals, He restores and He rescues!! :) "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and rescue you."

Now on with the story. . .

As we know everybody falls sometimes. Sin is always present in our life for we are human. Rom. 3:10 assures us of that - "There is no one righteous, not even one." Also, Rom. 3:23 "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." These verses are not just applied to the unsaved and ungodly, but as to christians as well. At times in our life we let that sin become a little too dominant and it begins to take over in ways we never expected. Sin always always starts off small and innocent, but if left unchecked, it begins to grow and soon turns into something out of control. In knowing that we should desire to "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith..." I Peter 5:8. I will share with you now that for about 6 months last year....I fell into some very real sin in my life....not that I'm saying I didn't sin before that nor do I sin now....that isn't the case. No, I became a person that I did not recognize in the least. I will most assuredly smilingly tell you that I am NOT that person anymore, nor will I ever be again, by God's mercy and grace!!! :)) << sidenote. Sin is very real though and not something to be taken lightly. I could specifically name the sin(s) that I fell into, but I don't think that has any real value to my story. Sin is sin...no matter the name. I'm not afraid of your accusations, your analyzing, critical thoughts of me, or even IF you would forgive me if you knew. I can't say I've always felt that way, but God is healing me, and HE alone is my judge. James 4:12 "There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One Who is able to save, and destroy. But you - who are you to judge your neighbor?" And guess what?!? My judge says it's FORGIVEN and erased! Rev. 1:5b "To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood." Like the writing from the airplane that is skywriting that simply disappears, Jesus has wiped away ALL things I so bitterly regret. Jesus does have an eraser! Rom. 8:1a "Therefore, there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." So, if you choose to see me through a negative light that my friend is between you and God....but I will not fear it. I know that I'm forgiven by the One Who matters as well as those I have deeply hurt....and that's all that matters.

Just always know that none of us are too good not to slip at times. I have lived my ENTIRE life knowing and living for God for I was saved at the age of 5. I know nothing before 5, so it's as if I've known God all my days. My most rebellious days that I can even remember would probably accumulate to something like this: me jumping on the bed and climbing out the car window PROVING to the missionary ladies that came to stay with us that I was in NO WAY whatsoever a good girl! HAHA! My mother on the other hand was wondering WHAT has gotten into this child?! As I got older there was a time that me and Stephanie Spradlin walked to Ty Hartis' apartment after school because we were both "in love" with him. Umm...yeah.... And then one night we decided to get really BRAVE, or really stupid whichever you choose, and climbed out her window to attempt to walk down Finley, no less, to his apartment once again. Let's just say we got out the window and back in again because we heard her parents coming. She got in LOTS of trouble whereas I on the other hand did not. :)) And yes they were sure to tell my Mom...she just gave me the silent treatment on the way home. Heehee! I was a good kid....no doubt about it. I won't say there was not any other mistakes along the way, because I'm far from perfect. But, what I do want you to understand is that sin happens to the very best of us...it doesn't just wait for the backslidden and ungodly to prey upon.

I will tell you now that, in you knowing that I fell deeply, God Himself has given me strength to rise from the ashes of my mistakes and He has allowed me to make a new beginning! I truly, firmly, honestly believe without a doubt that God did not promote what happened in my life, BUT He certainly allowed it....and there was a purpose. Sin promoted it, God allowed it....and I can praise Him now that He has. As well, that hasn't always been the case. This year has been a very TOUGH one indeed in many personal ways for me. I have had to deal with some very real fears, forgiving myself, and learning to trust. I know our biggest enemy is our mind, so I just go ahead and tell God "here I don't need this thing today, YOU take it".....who needs a mind anyways?!! :) I know that Jesus is the One saving me and I don't have to prove a thing! He has also provided me with such AMAZING, wonderful and true love throughout this time. I am beyond blessed! There are many who have encouraged me maybe without even knowing you did....may have been YOU. And I thank God for you. But, He has also placed some extraordinary loved ones in my life to most certainly help me along. . . that would be my David and my Mom. I know why God has placed them lovingly in my life and He has never made it so clear than through this experience in my life! There are no words to describe what love and patience they have shown me. Their love has been the soothing love of God in my life for sure.

Great strength can come from struggles and we can see obstacles as stepping stones placed in our life's leading us towards becoming more like God. I know for a fact that there is a purpose and design to my life and God has intentionally allowed ALL things - good and bad - into it for a reason. He uses the shadows of my life to make it richer. "God, our great Artist, uses a multitude of techniques in our life to help us become the people He created us to be. God keeps the water lilies afloat through the wind and rain that are part of life. Water gardens survive April showers and worse, and I will too, by God's help and grace!" We know Rom. 8:28 ALWAYS stand true in ALL matters of life as well. "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

I share all of this with you, my friend, for one purpose....to give you joy, to give you hope, to give you strength, to give you trust if you are one who has slipped and fell along the way. Or even if you have not....there is still joy, hope, strength and trust in a faithful God. Don't focus on your doubts and failures, God is greater than those. Don't allow your past mistakes to keep you beaten down and discouraged. Don't allow the deceiver<satan to use his best tool discouragement to convince you are unworthy. Philippians 3:13b "Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead." Because He is near, we need not be anxious for anything. We are restored and renewed in Christ Jesus and with that restoration we become, once again, fresh, vibrant and alive Christians! Those who hope in God will NOT be disappointed!

Have hope, my friend!

"Thank you, Jesus, for your power in every part of my life today - renewing me physically, mentally and spiritually!!" :)

And thank you too for allowing me to be so very real with you. Maybe it's not like others to do this, but I am me. And I pray dearly that God uses something in me to reach something in you....dear friend. :)

God always has the plan in all things. Never stop believing....even when you don't see!

Please if you would...pray for me as God continues His journey of healing and restoring me....I would greatly appreciate it! Although these things have been done in my life we still go on needing it always. Thanks!