"A Funny Look at a First Experience. . .That Soon Won't be Forgotten!!"

Sooo I had my first Spa Swedish Massage the other day and O what an experience it was too!! Actually, David and I were given gift certificates at Christmas from our sweet daughter, Heather. So we went together. I was the intimidated one. . . David on the other hand was not. David had even told me he would use his this week and come back next week and use mine if I wanted him to. O no. . . not passing up on this one!

We were taken back to a couch in a semi dark room where 4 different people must have asked us if we wanted something to drink. As we sat on the couch, we were handed 3 sheets of paper to fill out. This would be a questionairre as if you were going to the doctor! GEEZ people, we're only here to cash a couple of gift cards and get a massage!! David and I were both laughing at the silliness of all these questions when he said "I think we are supposed to be whispering in here." Um....ok. So we laugh whispered.....well sorta. : P

Once back in our perspective rooms, it was explained to me what I needed to do to prepare for her. Namely undress. First she tells me to take my shirt and bra off....so i repeat it back to her.....then she looks at me to say "Well, take your jeans and shoes off too." As if I was supposed to know that already. She leaves....I undress.....quickly so she won't come back in to find me NAKED. I crawl under the covers all the while looking at the big mirror in front of me wondering what kind of hidden camera they have in it. :) Now you need to know I'm a bit NERVOUS with this whole idea already....ok! As I lay down, I realize these covers are really WARM.....I could get hot even under them....wonder what they do when people are too warm, throw back the covers to see your bare nakedness?!? As I'm laying there I notice the table looked slanted as in head down, toes up, situation. I don't normally ever lay down on my back on a flat surface (especially tilted down) because it makes me dizzy of some sort....like my legs are gonna flip over my head feeling! I sit up examing the table myself trying to figure it out, but quickly laying back down so lady wouldn't come in and see me doing so!  I'm dealing with trying to figure out if I should tell the lady  to either give me a pillow or tilt the table back up even. Telling myself.....you can handle this! Convincing myself ..... somewhat that I'm gonna be alright.....I start realizing how SMALL, DARK, and enclosed this tiny room is....as if I'm on an elevator (which I do NOT do). Now I'm also debating the thought of telling the lady to please leave the door OPEN when she comes back in assuring her that I don't care who looks in!!

As I'm retelling this story later to laughing Heather, Levi and David....Heather speaks up and says "MOM, you are supposed to be laying there relaxing before she comes in, NOT stressing out over all this!!" Sorry daughter....didn't happen!

FINALLY, she comes back. I'm retelling myself at this point that I don't need to relay any of the information to this poor woman who is here to make me feel my very best. Hmmmm......
She begins to do her thing and soon my eyes are being covered with something that has weights in it, causing the room to be totally darkened!! She had placed some kinda eye pillow weights on them....for relaxation. SURE. Now I'm not only thinking more about the claustrophobic sense, but the unsettling feeling of WHAT'S NEXT?!? I'm a person who from childhood has needed to pretty much know......what's next?! :) I kept my mouth shut, kept my eyes weighted shut, and laid there under the submission of her every move.

This whole exprience could have added a few knots to my knots she felt and told me about. She described me as being "crunchy".....not everyday you get to be that description now do ya! She is now telling me that as she holds the sheet, I'm to turn over onto stomach. As I'm turning over as QUICKLY as I could to not expose myself....I now am wondering if I will be dizzy from going to my back - tilted down - to my stomach. I do get lightheaded at times. Secondly, I've got to put my face through this donut hole. The donut hole is tilted WAY down for me. Lady says she can adjust it for me just let her know when. She went up....more up....and more up. I said stop and she asked are you alright? I agreed. I'm guessing I could have looked rather peculiar with how far I asked her to tilt it. Ha! As she is doing my backside, I began to feel like the donut hole was a littttle too high. Did I tell her?? Nope. So I laid there and thought about that for awhile. Other funny thoughts were going through my head as well though.....like when she came up to my head and I'm looking at her legs and feet, through the donut....I wondered what she would do if I suddenly pinched her! Hahaha! Yes....I'm that weird. But, no I didn't.

NOW....as I'm laying there, starting to de-stress....somewhat.....my phones starts going off. I was later told by dear daughter that you are to silence your phone upon entering. Well....sorry daughter.....again. The first 2 calls I kinda blew off thinking it's our son, Levi but hopefully he will figure out what he needs to know. The following FOUR calls as well as TEXTS and notification for my turn to play a game made for a little bit of a STRESSFUL situation!!!! I couldn't get to my phone.....the lady obviously wasn't going to ask me if I needed to stop and answer it.....nor was she going to bring it to me. If I did answer it, I would have to prop myself up exposing pretty much my entire front side. . . . so I let it ring. . . .  and she let it ring. This really un-nerved me being as though I didn't know if Levi knew we were. He was told to go to the gym after school and we would pick him up for golf from there. I didn't know if the poor kid had any clue at all to know what to do....being as though we weren't answering and he probably saw Dad's car in the parking lot.

Meanwhile. . . as I'm dealing with the phone incesantly going off. . .  an alarm starts going off throughout the entire building with flashing lights!! A lady is stating that EVERYONE throughout the building now needs to evacuate! NICE. . . .I'm told by my lady now that she is going to go out of the room and ask if it is really real and necessary for us to leave. Sooo....I'm just left to myself.....in a dark room....lying NAKED under some really WARM covers......to wonder WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON??!! I even laid there and wondered if it was my poor son who was in the emergency of some sort that was cleaing the building!! Lady comes back to now say "You need to get up, get dressed. We need to evacuate the building. I will bring you some fresh water." Fresh water?? Is that what people do under evacuation settings??!! Hey at least I had fresh water when I died!! Haha! She grabs her purse from under cabinet and leaves.

Now.....I'm QUICKLY getting up and getting dressed and all the while my phone is STILL ringing! I'm standing there trying to decide "Do I ignore the phone and get dressed BEFORE she gets back in here and sees me standing like a naked monkey.....OR.....do I fish phone out of purse and answer?? I went with "B". I missed the call .......phone rings again......I make contact! It's Levi and all i can say is "Hello....can I talk with you in a few mins....I'm trying to get dressed and get out of a massage room?!?!" he sounds hesitant and agrees. I dress so quickly that I stuff my socks in my purse by now and I'm stomping out the door in my big boots that are even bigger now without the socks! I look around thinking WHERE is this lady with the fresh water who's supposed to be telling me what to do?!?!?? I see one lady seated on couch who is obviously not worried about evacuating as she is discussing on phone with someone regarding "No, what would you do if we went on a cruise? I don't know....what would you recommend? I don't know......" Wow lady....did you not get the memo....we are evacuating here?!!! As I'm standing around unsure what to do what to think and where is my husband at?? Another lady (employee) asks me if everything is alright. I said "Well, i was with Ginger and now I don't know where she is at." Other lady opens main door and what do I see?? Ginger standing at front desk laughing it up with other employers.....obviously forgetting poor pathetic client in room AND evacuating!!! I walk on out to the front desk all the while Ginger's back is to me. As I'm standing there I begin to see HOARDS of people now coming back in through the front doors!!! WELL.....I GUESS I MISSED THE DAD GUM EVACUATION AFTERALL!!" LOL!! The cashier begins to ask me how was everything when the only motion and response I could make at this particular time was to hold out my hand and point to Ginger. I didn't know what to think or what to say....so I just pointed at her. Ginger then turns around and sees me standing there .....most likely more stressed than when I went in! She says very casually "Heeeey....so let me get you some fresh water and you can go back in where you came from and relax!" Suuuuure.....Ginger......you bring me that water and I'll just go right back in here and do me some "relaxing" that you say! Mind you I still hadn't gotten a hold of my poor son yet! So I went back in and waited like a nice good girl. I still hadn't even seen the likes of David yet as well.....wasn't he told to evacuate too???!!!! As I'm sipping my "fresh water" I tried to get Levi with no such deal. I texted him then. I did receive word back and he was alright. Later, I would find out that he had tried to call to let us know he wasn't going golfing with us and to not wait on him at gym. He got on the bus and then it was that he saw Dad's Camaro in the parking lot. He thought "O no....there waiting on me and I'm rididng the bus home!!" Soooo then it was he began to call us a grand total of at LEAST TEN times during our de-stressing, relaxing, calming moments.....the massage.

David DID finally walk out of his room with the most casualist of walks and looking rather CALM. He smiled and asked me how it was? O BOY......... did I have a story for him?!!?!!! Come to find out his lady told him that no evacuation was necessary and she continued to finish up with his massage! My lady however probably went and had a really good LAUGH at her client's position!! Ha ha ha.

I resumed my once again serence composure once we left our "relaxing" massage......YEAH RIGHT! I had a story to tell and tell I was gonna! I told David all the way to the country club where we were going to play golf for the day! I had so much to say that we had to stay in the car once we arrived so that I could finish even!! David listened.....David LAUGHED......and David shook his head. Later, I would get to retell my story once again with the audience of Heather, Levi and David (again). We had SO MANY laughs over that story and I truly believe God let it ALL happen for a purpose (just like He has with everything in life we face) ......to share a beautiful laughing and sharing moment with our children......at Mom's expense. :)

So a lesson can be learned here as well. You probably could see a LOT of what if moments going on in this story! But truly what happened were the what IS moments in fact. I didn't get dizzy, I didn't get claustrophobic, I didn't pinch the lady (heehee), Ginger never saw me standing in the room naked, no one saw me through a hidden camera (that I know of and if they did....they laughed), I didn't get too hot, I lived through the "what's next" moments, my son wasn't in an emergency, my son didn't die because he couldn't get us, and no evacuation of emergency situations were real. All my what ifs were non-existant....thank the good Lord!! Too many times we can get caught up in living in a what if world.....but you know what?? God IS IN CONTROL and will see you through any and ALL situations. Your what if's are no match for Him! Anyways.....What if's DON'T exist.....What is DOES!! Trust Him!! :)

Guess what?
I'm going back again and I know I will enjoy it so much more this time!! Please God, could you keep the alarms and my purse from going off though??!! Thanks!! :)



I'm thinking I looked about as relaxed as this big guy!! :)