You entered our world on the day of June 14, 1991 and we were blessed. God wanted to take a little extra loving care and time to mold and make you into the beautiful baby you became. I carried you 41 weeks instead of the normal 40 weeks. Maybe it was because God knew I would need that extra 1 week to hold you as close to my heart as I ever would. Unlike the first C-section surgery I had with your sister, Heather, I would feel this one in great intensity. But the pain was worth it....and you became ours to hold and love now with our arms and not just our hearts.
Your sister took sole responsibility for you even at the very young age of just 3 years old. There are several pictures of this little "mother" taking care of her "baby". She loved you then.....and she loves you now....even when you don't believe it.
We chose your name, Savannah, the very day before having you. We were strolling around the mall and stopped by JC Pennys. They had a furniture collection by the name of Savannah on it and thus became your name. The name Savannah would not become popular until 13 years later therefore allowing you to be that unique beauty you always have been.
At 3 months of age you were dedicated to our Lord Jesus by Mom and Dad along with Pastor Dale Williams at Southgate Chapel in Irving, Tx. You had a very dirty diaper at the time and Pastor Dale handled you and the dedication service with such love. Dale if you're reading this....know that as I have told you before....there has NEVER been another Dedication Service for both of my baby girls that you gave them that was more sweet, caring, genuine, heart-felt and sincere. Thank you for that!!
Later, you would go to Cubbies for Awanas at the age of 3 at Spring Memorial in Spring, Tx. You received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, at the tender age of 5, at this same church. And you would later be baptized, at the age of 5, at Lakeland Baptist by Bro. Gary. I write these into this letter because I count them of great importance. For you see - all of life is centered around what Jesus has done for you in your life!
I still remeber those long, beautiful ringlets of hair you had. If I remember correctly, you would later put or get gum stuck all in that beautiful hair too! I tried my best to get it out, but ended up cutting alot more of your hair than I wanted. So it was at 6 years old that you would receive the biggest haircut ever taking several inches off. Some people told me it would come back even curlier.....and although you still had a wave and body in your hair....your sweet baby ringlets were now gone.
As time moved on, you grew to be the you that God would create you to be. You was a child that loved the human touch of skin to skin. Your great grandmother, Mama Rea, would in fact be the one to figure this out very early on. You cried and cried one night shortly after bringing you home from the hospital and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Exhausted I let Mama Rea take over and she knew just the thing....place you skin to skin alongside of her. . . calming you right down. It would continue to be that way throughout the years. As a baby, seems you only wanted to sleep when I was holding you, as a toddler you always, always requested being rocked before going to sleep, and as a child you were often found sliding in bed with your sister with your entire body draped across her. As well there were many nights you ask that I lay down beside you letting you fall asleep before I go. I would always know to wait for that special twitching of your body that would signal you were now fast asleep. As much as I thought I was SO tired and just wanted to go to bed in my bed.....I now know those days were few and they are missed.
I also will always and forever remember our special prayer time each night that we had together. They were special times AND funny times. As we would talk about the prayer request to pray for somewhere at some point silly times would slip itself in. As you would start to pray you would get the giggles....and just as sure as you would get those giggles....Mom would also get them! I can remember having to get a pillow and hold it up to my face with one hand while the other hand is holding yours just so you couldn't see my smile. That's all it took....just seeing Mom smile made you giggle all the more HARDER! At times I thought we would NEVER get through those prayers!! :) I'm sure God must have enjoyed listening to all the laughter shared between a giggly precious child and the Mother who shared right along with her. As soon as the prayers were finished, the hug would begin. My dear child.....you cannot even begin to understand just how much I miss those hugs. If I let myself I will soon begin to start crying....and then I won't be able to type. Those hugs were worth more than you can imagine. I didn't realize just how much at that time. You would reach up and pull me down to you, while laying on your bed, and all the while just hold me close.....heart to heart, cheek to cheek, ear to ear. Sometimes you were still giggling and others you just seemed to never want to let go. If I could go back in time ..... it would be to those nights..... and I would never let you go.
OK....now I am crying.
There have been times I have wondered, that as you and your sister got older and she began experiencing more things in life and would call me into her room to talk about them....that I was rushing yours and my time together to go and talk with her. You often would teasingly get onto me for how much time I would spend in Heather's room compared to yours. In fact you would time me giving me the exact number of minutes I spent in her room verses yours! I was excited to hear about all the new things in life Heather was experiencing and may have seemed anxious to get in there. But you was always on my mind too.....I never ever wanted to make you feel second best. And if I did that or have done that, Savannah, for that I am truly sorry in the most sincerest way.
And time marches on. . . . .
And here you are today. . . .my always beautiful Savannah Ann.
Somewhere, somehow along the way you quit believing in our love. Somewhere you quit receiving and giving the many forms of love. . . hugs, smiles, sharing time together, kind words. This all seem to become foreign to you....and for the life of me and your Dad we have never once figured out why. You would even one day just basically pack up and leave our home to live in another. This hurt more than you know. It would seem another family would become your family. And as any Mother knows you will always fight for what's yours. But just as sure as I knew you were mine and I loved you dearly.....I also knew that I had to believe God had a plan in all of this....for absolutely NOTHING happens in our life without God allowing it and having a reason, a plan, and a purpose in sight. So.....I let you go.....physically....but never internally....for you are mine and always will be. I hold no grudges regarding the family you went to be with....although it was very hard harder than you know....they were there for you to be whatever God wanted them to be in your life.
Through time though, as you have went away to college and are now once again back in our home, I see changes that God has brought. I am forever grateful as well!! So grateful that I wrote a Blog about it! Read it sometime....it's all about you! :) It's titled "When God Brings a Distant Child Home".
Savannah, God loves you more than I do, and even though you may not see that as much.....please know that it is. I know that words can just be pretty words and sound good, but please know that my words I offer to you are so much more than pretty words with empty meaning. They are from my heart....the truest, most sincerest place of any person living. Above all.....share a relationship with God. Put Him first. Live your days for Him. Talk with Him. Seek all that you need in Him. Wait on Him. And trust in Him. This world has nothing even on it's best days to give you. It's empty and will leave you empty. But in and with God ....is everything! I pray that God will give you the eyes, that comes with maturity, to see and understand this.
And it is with this purpose that I write this to you my child. . . . to know that I love you, I am proud of you, I thank God for you, I believe in you. For we are never guranteed tomorrow. . . .
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